Rants of a Vegetarian Butcher!! ;)

22 Oct

Mind had been blank for the last couple of days and hence I was finding it difficult to write or compose something down just for the mere lack of ideas…thought I will pick some tag that’s lying in many of the blogs that I religiously follow but then life plays this trick on you wherein you like it or not, it ends up giving you something to write about…




1) Of late, thanks to the inflation we guys have started to cook dinner at home…yippee! Homely food so you may think…but no…It’s just food (edible of course) cooked at home…we have managed to learn and decently cook about 5-6 dishes, apart from the variety of rice items that we can make. But still the homely food that any of our mom’s would cook is far far better than our food cooked at home…one thing our food does to us, is controls our weight (we use minimal oil) as well as the disappearance of the few remaining coins in our pockets!! 😉


I basically end up doing all the vegetable chopping…ya am the “vegetarian butcher”…and due to over exposure to the brutality of chopping the vegetables, my eyes have either lost their sensitivity or have become terribly confused. For instance, I was butchering the onions and my eyes act perfectly fine…and after the onions were done with, it was the turn of the potatoes…what do my eyes do now?? They get over sensitive, over burdened, over loaded and cry…yes, the tears of a ‘vegetarian butcher’s joy’!!! phew! 😀


Cooking tip: Look into the eyes of the onion as you chop…it wont make you weep!! You peep, you weep!! 😛


2) Yesterday late night, around 12:30 I was busy watching a movie called “Dirty Deeds” (no…no…no…it’s not that kinda movie…pls :P) with the lights on (see I told you, it’s not that kinda reel) and what do I get to see (not on the screen)…Jerry…yes a mouse, a rodent…running happily on the floor of my bedroom…Now since I was one brave soul, I didn’t yell my guts out…I just ran out of my room to inform roomy #1 who was sitting in the hall, surfing…the hot news made him climb up his chair asking me “Where? Where??…How big? How many??”


His immediate action made me ignore him and knock on the bedroom door of my other 2 roommates…they were thankfully awake and didn’t cry foul…Roomy #2 joined #1 on the chair…but roomy #3 was one brave soul who immediately came with a broom in hand (I still feel like he slept with a broom in hand…if not, where the hell did he get it from?) asking the same “Where? Where?? How big? How many??” as if he was going on a hunt! 😛

#1 and #3 were so alike, yet miles apart…

Commander #3 and myself entered my room with a broom each in hand and ready for the kill…but I guess our Jerry had got enough time to escape from us, the Toms…He lives to see another day…probably more…


PJ time: What will Tom be called if he keeps looking here and there for Jerry?? – A peeping Tom!! :mrgreen:


3) Today evening as I reached home from office past 8pm and closed the door behind me, I heard a knock. I opened to find my high and dry (not drunk, but definitely dry) house owner in front of my eyes…Being terrified, I said something which I should not have said…I said, “Come in, pls have a seat sir”!! OMG!!


He royally comes in and sits…just like an elephant does in a circus, on command from its ring-master. Only difference is that this dude of the 60’s doesn’t have a trunk, and ya a tail. Rest all are the same…big ears, protruding teeth, big bu*t and an indifferently big mouth!!

All his features are don’t matter much…The only and most annoying thing he does is talk with no fullstop, ask questions non-stop and park his base for an indefinite timing.


He tells me that he came cos it was raining outside…I didn’t know where outside, as outside my window it wasn’t raining for nuts! Hmm…my bad day I assumed. Nah! I was sure!! 😦

He starts off with a “Why is the stock market falling, when the tomato prices are rising?”

The best thing about him is that, he needs an answer to his questions…right or wrong, is never a concern. Initially I used to struggle to think of answers…but one day he himself gave me a clue by saying “Say something son”!!

I answered him with a “Tomato prices are rising cos the fuel prices have gone up…and stocks fall when crude oil prices increase”…am not sure even now if I am right…but he was ok with it!! 😀


I am meeting him today for like the 9th time in my 9th month in this house…and today he asked me my name, for the 9th time…then asked me my cell number…ya for the 9th time…the company I work for, yes 9th time again!!

But I have learnt the game…the hard way of course, but learnt nevertheless…

I asked about his daughter (“and sir, u said her name is??”) for the 9th time…I know he hated when I asked that, for the 9th time…I asked him about his son’s bank profile…9th time of course…got to know it’s the 2nd largest bank in the world for the 9th time…but I doubt…again for the 9th time…phew, and the show will continue I guess…hehe


Finally after about 2 hours…of which he brainwashed me for close to 90 minutes…he watched TV for 15 minutes…and also read the newspaper for 15 minutes before asking me “Can I take your leave??”…I was like “What? Now what does he want to take away?”…He understood that I didn’t get it, and so clarifies with a “Shall I leave??” and I smile big time with “Ofcourse, ya ya…pls”…and the mammoth disappears!! 😀


Food for thought: Life makes us experience all that we don’t ask for…yet we crave for something we don’t have…Hmmm…


Posted by on October 22, 2008 in Happens~2~me


Tags: , , , , ,

10 responses to “Rants of a Vegetarian Butcher!! ;)

  1. Revs

    October 22, 2008 at 10:23 am

    Nice post. am sure it didnt take you more than 10 minutes to write all this down and i m sure u didnt have to think even for a moment to crack that PJ!! 😛
    and errr. sorry for being ignorant but yeh eye of the onion kya hai?? its like SRK telling madhuri in DTPH “meri aankhon mein dekh ke kaho ki tumhe mujh se pyaar nahi hai” 😛
    ok sad comparison i know but never heard of eye of the onion before!! 🙂
    and saale darpok ek chuhe se darr gaya to? mard ban yaar. be a man. us chuhe ne teri khudaari ko lalkaara hai!! 😛
    kidding!! 🙂
    nice post!!

  2. preeti

    October 22, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Nice read as usual 🙂 instead of onion-eye-hunting, light up a candle to save your tears 🙂 its a professional tip!!( from whom?? of course ME :P). And I hope Jerry never ever comes within you Toms’ reach. Usne tumhara kya bigaada yaar? Let jerry enjoy 1/100 th space of your room. For you its the house owner, me its my neighbour sigh!!! na jaana kab usse chutkaara milega :)CHEERS :):)

  3. preeti

    October 22, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    err.. you ve been tagged 🙂 visit my blog for details 🙂

  4. aparna

    October 23, 2008 at 9:13 am

    u cooking again- next time ur house owner comes..oosko khilaadenaa…becharaa phir kabhi nahi aayegaa :p

  5. aparna

    October 23, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Add few more songs na in ur music box 🙂

  6. Jass

    October 23, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    One year and the only time i met my house owner was when he came to take a look and ask if we were facing any issues. No nonsense talk ! Thank god I don’t have your type of a house owner 😀

  7. niveditha

    October 23, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    yeh bakwaas tho maine already padh rakha hai 😛

  8. Sree

    October 23, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    @ Revs,

    Naa…bakwaas likne ke liye time nahi lagta!! 😛
    Haha…aur woh PJ toh tujhe patha hey, all in an instant…hehe
    lolz…onion ki aankh is a swear!! 😉
    Mard woh hota hey jo female chuhe se pyaar nahi karta…and that was indeed a Ms. Chuha/hi… :mrgreen:

    Thanks buddy! 😀

    @ Preeti,

    Candle?? in daytime? it works?? sunlight didnt help, but ok will try candle!! 😛
    Jerry ne mera kuch nahi bigaada…bigaadne se pehele i would like to do something about it…prevention mein vishwaas hey, cure mein nahi!! 😛
    Thanks buddy..aur haan, Cheers (tann – sound of the glass)!! 😀

    @ Aparna,

    Lolz…ya not a bad idea…will serve him my cuisines, show him the rat and also record his dialogues and replay it to him…he should never think of coming back!! 😛
    And ya, I have now added a few…one turkish song too…enjoy!! 😀
    Thanks buddy! 😀

    @ Jass,
    Hehe…tu wada lucky singh nikla…apna toh wada waat lagata hey takla… 😀
    Thanks buddy! 😀

    @ Nive,
    Maine bhi…waise haan, ye bakwaas maine hi likha!! 😛
    Thanks buddy!! 😀

  9. AKB

    October 28, 2008 at 12:44 pm

    u have used again the rhyming thing here again.. ek bar praise kiya, tho dubara shuru huh?? 😛

    even chuhe bhi tumse rishta jodne lage kya?? wow!!! 🙂 axe effect kamaal ki hai!!! 😉

    every ppl have to bear the rants of the neighbour/house owner i guess… every ___ has his day!!! 😛 hehe

    the food for thought is indeed food for philosophical thoughts!!!

  10. Sree

    October 28, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    @ AKB,

    Arre…thats the way I write I guess… I dont purposefully think and rhyme stuff…if I could divert all praises towards me, I would have then!! 😉
    Axe effect?? hey possibly…my roommate had bought that new chocolate flavoured one…never struck me!! 😀
    Yeah…it turned out to be more philo!! Sheesh!! Comes naturally I guess!! 😉
    Thanks buddy! 😀


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