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[BPL]~Love in Bollywood: Kismat Dis-Konnection!

31 May

Team This post has been published by me as a team member of Inscribe Tribes for the SUPER 6 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

 

 

Looking at her dead body, I didn’t know what to do. Mind went blank and hands into the pockets. I found the dagger that Rashmi had gifted me. I wanted to move on and not die, but what can one do if I have to die as per the script? Who could change the script of life? Sab bhagwan ka khel hey! All in the name of, holy cow!
I was just about to play by the rules and poke the dagger into the left ventricles of my heart, ki I heard a voice calling out loud to me.
Abe uttja oye…naalayak…paune nau bajgaye” – it was my mother, and I was thrilled that she rescued me at the exact moment.
Thank you maa, thank you
Kyun beta, saw a bad dream?”
Hey bhagwan, how did you guess? Tumhe sab hey pata, hey na maa?
Why won’t I know? Beta baap pe jo gaya hey“.

I was very similar to my dad, so said everyone. Papa kehte hey, ki he named me Raj as he knew looking at the newborn me that I would one day become a Shahrukh Khan fan. Truth is, he was in love with Rajani, his professor’s daughter but never had the courage to confess to her. In those pre-internet days, he had no option of remembering her as his password either. So when my mother was carrying me, he vowed to offer 100 coconuts to the almighty if I would be born as a girl so that he could name me Rajani. Maa knew he was a fan of the tele-serial ‘Rajani’, but never got to know why. To his utter dismay, it turned out otherwise and thankfully he cut short what he had in mind and named me Rajnaam toh suna hoga!!

Falling in love I think came to me, inherited. Same was the case with bad luck, when it was about getting committed. Papa had spent some quality time running around trees, while his younger brother had done all the high pitch drunken drama standing atop the water tank. Maa was no Mother Theresa either.
But none of them managed to hold on to what they went after. Eventually they settled down with what was being offered by the experienced, their elders.

I remember Papa narrating to me tales regarding our family history, most of which I must add, was tragic especially where love happened to be the central theme.
One legendary story was about how my great-great-grandfather had plastered my great-grandmother-to-be inside the walls and buried her while alive right in front of my chained-to-vows great-grandfather. My great-grandfather is then believed to have aimlessly wandered before surrendering himself into the arms of a courtesan, who is said to have had a moon-like-beautiful-face and as a matter of fact, even a stake in Royal Challengers Bangalore probably through ‘sweet antiquity’

With such a glorious family background, they had high expectations from me when it came to keeping up with the tradition and I didn’t disappoint any of them, one bit.

When I fell in love with Rita, I had shared the joy with my best friend Sanju that she was the one for me, for the saath janams. But when Rita didn’t like my brand new second-hand ambassador car, the seven births’ dream ended like in less than seven weeks and I was totally devastated and heart-broken. Ditto with our Yezdi freak Sanju, when Devika left him in favor of the Ritchie Rich Shekar who owned the latest, sleek and brand new 4-cylinder 1089cc Premier Padmini.
 
My parents were proud of me, so much that I overheard them broadcast “Raj ban gaya gentleman” over the telephone. 

And then came in Priyanka, who stayed right opposite to my house and loved to spend her time by her bedroom window. Everyday from my window, I admired her beauty of a ponds-lotion-face, but she thought of me as an awara romeo who invaded into her private moments and unconditionally hated me for it. I even made Kallu maama scan through all the 12 rashees to see if something can be set right which would make her favor me, but Priyanka had long given up on me.

When it comes to love, people end up doing what-not. Sanju once told me about a distant relative of his who had to put up at his father-in-law’s house as a maid, fully packed and all that, for over a month just to convince his angry wife to get back home and eventually was successful.

So we, Sanju and I decided to leave our hometown and go to Mumbai, where life runs faster than the local trains, in search of a job, a career and of course, love. Finding true love was tough, but nothing compared to finding a place to stay in Mumbai. Some how we managed to find two single rooms for us, close to each other. Ever since our padosan aunty, Laxmi Chachi received a telegram which read “Maa ka ladla bigad gaya” from her son’s landlord in Mumbai, we were being advised to lookout for separate houses.

Being from a small town, every girl in Mumbai looked eligible to my eyes so much so that I found it hard to differentiate between married and single women.
I got a job as a radio jockey, but love was hard to come by. Even my beautiful colleague Janhavi, was committed to an underworld gangster.

Though I put in some more efforts and did give it a try by staying a few months longer, I saw little hope for myself, a poor man, to find true love in Mumbai. I sincerely wished someone would invite me for her swayamvar too. But inherited genes and strong family tradition always seemed to rule the roost and I decided to return back home.

Inside the courtroom of a highly secured prison, I was standing in the custody box waiting for the judge to deliver his sentence.
My lord, the most important witness in this case is here. Please give her a chance to speak before you break that cheap local nib.Saamiya Siddiqui, my saucy young lawyer brought in that much needed twist to an otherwise slow and boring courtroom proceeding.
Pesh kiya jaaaaye” the judge seemed to have read what he stereotypically uttered, out of a book.
Thank you my lord. I now present before you, Zaara who is the love interest of our cross border prisoner. Kaidi number 786, Mr RAJender Pratap Singh.
As the courtroom door opens in slow motion, I feel the heat and start perspiring profusely. I was very eager to have a glance of Zaara, ki I heard a voice calling out loud to me.
Abe uttja oye…naalayak…paune nau bajgaye…iss garmi main kaise sota hey tu?
hmm…You Know Who!

PS: When it got to know that I was in fact the tribesman, who would be writing on this topic revolving Bollywood, Hindi demanded its rightful presence and usage in the write up. Being a true Indian Inscribed Tribesman, I had to honor the request as the ‘Show must go on’!

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35 Comments

Posted by on May 31, 2010 in Contests, Movies, Stories

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

35 responses to “[BPL]~Love in Bollywood: Kismat Dis-Konnection!

  1. Neha

    May 31, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Maa Kasam, kya twists and turns hai..a true bollywood style post 🙂 a very different approach to the subject..

    good luck for the contest..

     
  2. dmanji

    May 31, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Liked Veer Zaara ending 🙂
    Show must go on indeed!
    Sree so you led the pack haan 🙂 …..
    – fellow tribesman 🙂

     
  3. Niveditha

    May 31, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Damn nice! 🙂

     
  4. Lazy Pineapple

    May 31, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    hehhe..this was hilarious. Loved the way yo have weaved all the wonderful Hindi movie love scenes in your story 🙂

     
  5. Pushpee

    May 31, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    heeheheee truly enjoyed it…very filmy :)))

     
  6. Gyanban

    May 31, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    This is a roller coaster ride ! or should I say rollicking coasting ride. Throughly enjoyed reading it – just the fonts need to be a little bigger.

    Inscribed.

     
  7. Sree

    May 31, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    @ Neha,

    Thanks buddy…Maa kasam it seems…lol…hum sab filmy hey re! 😀 good luck to u too! 🙂

    @ Dmanji,

    I was too sleepy I guess…I was pushed to the front row…lets see what happens with the last bencher in first bench! 😛
    Thanks for all your help, fellow tribesman! 🙂

    @ Smarty,

    Thanks…also for all your encouraging comments, fellow tribesmate! 🙂

    @ Lazy Pineapple,

    First of all, how lazy and pineapple are you? 😛
    Thanks for liking the plot…its partly autobiographical too! 😉
    All the best to you! 🙂

     
  8. Sree

    May 31, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    @ Pushpee,

    Thanks a lot…also for all the “push” and critical comments, fellow tribesmate…it helped! 🙂

    @ Gyan,

    Hehe…thanks much! 🙂
    Fonts…i don’t have much control over the size, in the editor…
    But as a reader, you can increase it…by: moving your mouse scroll button as you simultaneously press the “ctrl” key on the keyboard 🙂
    Thanks for liking the post as well as for your constructive help! 🙂

     
  9. Arif

    May 31, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    I loved this story right since it’s inception! Your line “Abe uttja oye…naalayak” makes it absolutely hilarious! Haha 😀

    And Kaidi number 786 …mind blowing!!!

    Go Triber! 😉

     
  10. The Fool

    May 31, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Good. You have really got the story running crazy i truest bollywood style.

     
  11. Sree

    May 31, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    @ Arif,

    Hehe…that “nalaayak” is like my middle name..which a dear friend(y) calls me! 😉 As said above, its partly autobiographical! 😉
    Thanks for liking it as well for your encouragement (read: reflective insanity 😉 ), fellow tribesman 😀

    @ The Fool,

    Thanks man…and thanks for your inputs n constructive feedbacks, fellow tribesman! 😀

     
  12. megzone

    May 31, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    aabeee oi nalayak,….
    cheaattterrr cock 😛
    you used the nickname i gave you eh 😆
    kkiieekkiieekkiiee :mrgreen:
    but whose complainin 😀

    be careful apne mr. Raj Shetty mite sue you for the “naam tho suna hoga part”
    you know how he is 😉 😛

    faala tu paune nau baje tak sota hai.. no wonder office late pahunchta hai…
    aunty ko bolna padega
    terko nalayak bolke hi uthaane ko 😛 😉 😀

     
  13. Pal

    May 31, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    Gosh… this was a true-styly bollywood movie in itself!!! 🙂

     
  14. Sudhakar

    May 31, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Fulltoo fundoo man. 😀 Had a whale of a time reading this. Bindaas post. 😉

     
  15. aaradhnak

    May 31, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    hiihihihih Hillarious one 😀
    //Hey bhagwan, how did you guess? Tumhe sab hey pata, hey na maa?// hahahhahha this was the most funniest thing for me 😆 hahahhahahha

    //“Abe uttja oye…naalayak…paune nau bajgaye…iss garmi main kaise sota hey tu?“// LoL kase sotaa hia tu??? 😆 hiihihhi

    Mastttttttttttttttttttttt one 😀

     
  16. PNA

    June 1, 2010 at 3:23 am

    Very very filmy…. apna bollywood style… :):)

     
  17. RSV

    June 1, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    this is one creative stuff..
    enjoyed it..

     
  18. shammeer

    June 1, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    Super bhaaai.. classic.. really funny…

     
  19. Guria

    June 1, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    You did justice to the Love, Tribal! Can’t get more Bollywood-y than this! Kudos!! 😀

     
  20. Sree

    June 1, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    @ Megs,

    Hehe…ab kya kare…roz sunn sunn ke wahi aaya likhte waqt! 😛
    Woh na..woh na…duplicate SRK hey! 😉
    Thanks buddy! 😀

    @ Pal,

    Thanks buddy! 😀

    @ Sudhi,

    Thank you sirjee…bakwaas afterall! 😉

     
  21. Sree

    June 1, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    @ Billu,

    Photu mein kya mast NAHI dikhreli re tu!! 😛
    Main masttt sota hoon!! 😀
    Thanks a lot buddy! 😀

    @ PnA,

    Hehe…Thanks a lot buddy! 😀

    @ RSV,

    Thanks a lot buddy! 😀

    @ Shammeer,

    Thanks a lot buddy! 😀

    @ Guria,

    Lol…Thanks a lot Tribal…your encouragement added jaan to it! High Five! 😀

     
  22. Priyanka

    June 2, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Hahahaha!! can see that ur MQ (Movie Quotient) is very good!! 😉
    kya mast likha hai!! 😀

    dream ke andar dream likh daala!! bole toh super Maamu!! 😀

    mera naam use kiya hai! wow! magar me cream nahi lagati!! 😦

    I was wondering, kahin BPL ka B – ‘Bollywood’ toh nahi!! 😉

    kher, ladkiyaan aur aapke chakkar! umeed hai woh jaldi khatam ho jayenge!!

    Best of luck buddy!! Keep rocking! 🙂

     
  23. Sree

    June 2, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    @ Pri,

    Hehe…fantasized dream 😛
    Thanks a lot buddy! 😀

     
  24. Avada Kedavra

    June 3, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Hehe.. that was really hilarious. I was laughing all the while, remembering all those scenes that you have woven so neatly. Liked your take on this 🙂

     
  25. Sree

    June 3, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Thanks a lot Avada…glad u liked it buddy! 🙂

     
  26. Dishit

    June 6, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    hahaa – that was too filmy! 🙂

     
  27. Sree

    June 6, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Thanks Dev-D!!!! 😀

     
  28. Rajlakshmi

    June 6, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    congratulationzzzzzz 😀 😀 ekdum khakkas typical Sree styled story 😀
    and waah kiya use kiya hai hindi ka 😀
    enjoyed reading it 😀

     
  29. vibhuti

    June 7, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Hey Congrats..
    This really was a great post!!
    I was aware of the competition my post was up against..
    😀
    Shenoy mhallyari Amchigelo nhave???

     
  30. Sree

    June 7, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    @ Raji,

    Restricted the usage of Hindi re…nahi toh almost poora hindi post mein englees ghusaa-ing type post banta! 😉
    Waise thanks a lot Princess! 😀

    @ Vibhuti,

    Hey thanks a lot…your Munna chaiwale ka post was no less filmy!! 😀
    Vai ekdum dalitoy! 😉
    Just today I asked Megs if you were an Amchi…cos I saw somewhere (mostly FB) a ‘Nayak’ and ‘Bhandarkar’ in your name!! 😀
    Thanks for your compliments! 😀

     
  31. Amit

    June 24, 2010 at 12:40 am

    Creative and hilarious 🙂 mastaa

     
  32. Sree

    June 25, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Oye hoye…Thanks Amit Bhai!! 😀

     

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