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[Guest-Post]~A Letter from an Unknown Terrorist!

14 Jul

Note: This is a guest post I just received via flight mail (courtesy: Hedwig – of Harry Potter fame) and the author signed himself as “Sreeram Shenoy – an unknown terrorist”! Strange, I’ve never heard of him! Anyway I’m posting it, as received!
Disclaimer: The owner of this blog does not endorse or support the relevance of the contents in this post. This seems to be totally fictional and he is just publishing it, proxy! Any character or plot that resembles to any person alive or party active is not to be seriously considered, and if otherwise, the owner of this blog gives a damn!

“Woh Kehte Hey Na
Jo Hota Hey Achche Ke Liye Hota Hey
Galat Kehte Hey”

Things are getting crazy on a day-to-day basis. The land of Kamasutra and Yoga is getting totally plucked and unrest! As humans we are very much addicted to being in the limelight, we deserve it or not. We love to stay in power and rule, we have leadership qualities or not. We love the moolah and find ways to grab as much greenery as possible, we need it or not. We live among hypocrites and are confused about what we should be. The law-abiding tax payers are proved to be stupid idiots, time and again.
We breath, we eat, we sleep, we watch cricket, we breed, we pollute, we swear, we advice, we flirt, we blog, we slog and amidst all these irrelevant activities – We Make Breaking NEWS!

Well here’s a peek at how we go about it…
Our day is not worth living unless we are fed with the happenings around – both – global and local, private and public! Earlier, a “feed” was something that only chickens were interested in. Now almost everyone subscribes to the NEWS FEED, be it ‘on the wall’ or ‘in their inboxes’!

The human memory is short lived, and we cannot get enough of the same crap going on forever. We need variety, we need change and we need it NOW!
The 2G scam was going in full flow, with arrests being made every other day – the accused being moved through fast courts, before being confined into the cozy corners of the prison. The King was caught first and then his (rumored-2-be) mistress (or is it – mystery queen?) followed His Royal Highness! They have been trying to get out ever since, with emotional dramas from their families especially by her dad, the erstwhile minister of a southern state. This was followed by accusations on their business side – the Suryavanshis (Sun) were attacked with one yuvraj pulled down and out of the central cabinet and the other being summoned to by the court. And worse, these accused belonged to a party who were allies of the morons ruling at the center.

It was decided that all morons would meet up, to decide on how to get out of the mess, how to divert attention of the public and the media persons and for a change, how to accuse someone else!
At the meeting, one experienced moron uttered “We need to get off the front page…too much exposure is too bad! I believe we need some mode of diversion”! As the rest banged their heads against each other, he suggested “How about an artificial terror attack? Wouldn’t that be breaking news, which would say for a while, let us loose?”! Glasses were raised; the contents gulped down and then banged down on the table, all in unison – to signal an agreement, usually a rarity of sorts.
How about bombing Chennai? We anyway have no power there, so no post-mortem work for us!” grunted one moron lifting his lungi to acceptable limits and playfully tying knots.
Nahi saaar, not there. Don’t you have enough cases against your party already? How about the capital, Delhi?” suggested the ex-boss of the Olympic committee over the conference call, connected directly from Tihar.
Non ci non, dove vivo…err…I mean…not there, not where I live! Do Mumbai!” silenced a shrieking female voice with a distinct accent!
Signora ok..fatto…consider it done..” said an assistant translating what an old man wearing sunglasses confirmed.
And so it was decided, MUMBAI – the city of many a dreams, would be a scapegoat again – for it is anyway considered to have the magical power of being able to stand up and run again, all by itself.

13th of July was the chosen date.
Today’s Newspaper says and I quote – ‘Those who have 13 letters in their names are dreaded terrorists…!’ giving examples of Dawood Ibrahim, Chhota Shakeel, Osama Bin Laden,  Saddam Hussein amidst others.
They missed Sreeram Shenoy out of the list, for reasons unknown to that particularly unknown terrorist.
 
If Sreeram Shenoy was the terrorist behind this attack, he would stand up – say on a ladder or something taller – and announce that HE was the reason behind all this attack! Since he didn’t, he decided to write and send in this guest post to my namesake! (Uff, very tough to refer myself in Third Party narrative!)
Not one among these morons who attended the meet seem to have 13 bloody letters in their names to stand up and own the responsibility. Some even changed their names recently, owing a cliché’ numerological excuse!

Anyway, the 2G scam is now off the burner as most of the police personnel will be assigned to the Mumbai case, as per the meeting plans! Meanwhile, this definitely gives some breathing space for the age old scriptwriter to script an unexpected-yet-amazing climax to the currently-out-of-hand 2G scam storyline!
This and more, in my next letter.

Till then – Guns&Roses,
Sreeram Shenoy
– an unknown terrorist

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7 Comments

Posted by on July 14, 2011 in Imaginative Bakwaas

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

7 responses to “[Guest-Post]~A Letter from an Unknown Terrorist!

  1. Shoba Jagannathan

    July 14, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    //Those who have 13 letters in their names are dreaded terrorists…!//
    Can it get crazier than that????

    All said & done, it is indeed very sad to see this happening yet again and that too in the wake of the train accidents!

     
  2. Himanshu

    July 15, 2011 at 12:55 am

    A totally different concept and an edgy narrative. Wonderfully penned post Sree.

    Your indignation stated with apt sarcasm does not demand any justification. What if one Sreeram Shenoy decides to take matters rather the law in his hands? Is the country prepared for that kind of an upsurge?

    I am personally tired of media ridiculing Mumbai to be getting life out of its ashes time and again. There is a limit to putting the lives of common citizens in jeopardy. If surviving itself is a challenge, what more does one need to state about the quality of governance.

    There seriously seem to be no answer to these questions. Or probably we are plain accustomed to the misery…

     
  3. Pooja

    July 15, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Loved it man…
    Sarcasm at its best!

     
  4. Dishit D

    July 17, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    @Sree – nice post….am also a fellow terrorist (13 characters in my name too)

    @Himanshu – cant agree with you more! The government is using resilience as an excuse to cover its shortcomings.

     
  5. Sindhura Shetty

    July 18, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Loved this one as always!!!

    Your sarcasm is at its best!! You seem to be loving the “Royal Family”, perhaps because you stay in Chennai.

    My favorite in the post was ‘Those who have 13 letters in their names are dreaded terrorists…!’ Thank God there are 14 letters in my name 😛

     
  6. Srinivas

    July 19, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Whole letter make sense except that imaginary part where I couldn’t imagine a terrorist in pink dress 😀

    I believe that when people are sarcastic they have reason for it.

    I sent a note to Hedwig to deliver the next letter soon ..say “Oh ho” 😉

    hey..your pic was nice…. what is that place?

     
  7. Sree

    August 5, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Thanks a lot guys for your comments 😀

    @Srini, that was shot at a dam near Valparai (closer to Guruvayur) in TN!! 😀

     

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