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Category Archives: Humor

[Candid]~ChittyChattyColleague! :)

As I walked into the corporate office 8 long months after being deputed at the customer location, I saw a gentleman approaching with a big smile on his face.

With the company dress-code being made very flexible in the recent past, he was pretty much neatly dressed for it – a tucked-in collared t-shirt, blue jeans that seemed last washed in August and a branded pair of sport shoes. While he walked
along besides me towards my bay, I could sense the green tag around his neck ending up safely within the insides of his t-shirt pocket.

As I took my designated seat in the bay, he seemed all prepared for an uncalled chitchat session as he made himself comfortable at my desk right next to the monitor.

He: “Hey dude, long time. Where had you been? Oh right, you were working out of that client location. Is that assignment done?”
Me: “Hiii, yes I was at the customer location and I’m back here from today.”
He: “Good good, your client was S***** right…heard you had a great time over there?!”
Me: “Don’t know who gave you that information of me having a great time, but yes you got the customer name right!!!”
He (laughs): “No one did, I was just making small talk…Haha…ha!”

I smiled, as I saw him get himself all well settled with his back now being rested against my desk dashboard.

He: “So have you got into a project or what?”
Me: “No, not yet…”
He: “Aish hey yaar…enjoy your time while on bench, for once you’re tagged to a project it’s gonna be tough. Just look at me, for instance!”.
Me: “Yeah right! You seem to be very busy these days!”

I say that, as I take a look (stare??!) at his t-shirt pocket. I see a ball-point pen with “Nayantara’s photograph” on its handle.

He: “Stop staring at my chest yaar.”
Me: “Err…I was just…”
He: “Haha…Ha…just kidding yaar. You can stare as much as you want to!”.
Me (Ewww, in mind): “Err…well, no…I was just wondering who you…I mean how some of you…anyway, where did you get that pen?”
He: “Ah! So you were staring at this pen-ah?! It’s a long story, will tell you during lunch time.”

Lunch time?! Oh no…he was getting more than comfortable now with his legs swinging in the air, for every word he said, for every move he made while his eyes gaze around checking out the fairer junta.

Me: “Oh that’s fine. I’ve a team lunch today. I’ll listen to your pen-story some other time.”
He: “Team lunch?! Whom you trying to make a fool out of, man…you’re on bench no, you just said yourself!”
Me: “That’s correct. What I meant is that my ex-teammates have all come over here and they’ve called me to join them for lunch!!”
He: “Hmmm…So you got married some 2 years back right? Any issues?”

As I wonder what he meant by “issues”, his phone rings “Aa ante Amala…” in decibels exceeding the normal acceptable limits.

He: “Apologies…I gotta take this, an important call!”

Thank god, for it saved me from getting into an awkward topic.

He: “Sorry boss, wrong no.
I’m in a meeting right now, please don’t call me during office hours.
Yes 9-6, but I reach home only after 7:30 ok-wa?!”

He: “So where were we?!”
Me (in taunt mode): “Was that your wife on the call?!”
He: “Hey! So you think I got married without telling you-ah?! What man you…”
Me (now in guess mode): “Oh, but I thought…”
He: “Yes yes, I had a girlfriend. She had a boyfriend, but it was not me. Girls are tough to understand man. Big mistake I did, in trying to assume things. Long story, will tell you sometime.”
Me: “Sorry, my bad man. It’s ok.”
He: “No, it’s not ok. You write blogs no, this could give you a good storyline.”
Me (in scary mode): “You read my blog?”
He: “No, I’ve not but I heard that you do. You must teach me how to, man. Maybe I could find someone I like, you know?!”
Me: “What?!”

Then after some more senseless exchange of sweet-bitter nothings, he got down my desk to eventually take leave, with a promise to get in touch(??) again.

As he left, I asked the colleague sitting next to me if he knew who that guy was. My neighbour who was all the while a silent partner in the conversation laughed, stating “You so wished his ID card wasn’t inside his pocket, isn’t it?! Me too!!” 😀

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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in Candid, Humor, I~do~such~things

 

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[Humor]~10 reasons why Women can’t shop like a Man! ;)

We all know that Women Love To Shop and we also know Men Do Not Hate To Shop, so then what is it that makes women not shop like a man?! 😛

Here we go:

1. Blame it on the genes, for she’s got the ones that makes her go “Shopppppeeeeeeeeeeng”!

2. She is not satisfied by her shopping spree unless she gets to wait in the queue to the trial/changing room – the only queue where she’s the most patient, ever – and until she tries on half a dozen items, to say the least.

3. She would not know if the garment/dress does fit her. Even if she did, she would not know if she’d look fit or fat on wearing it.

4. Her shopping spree has to be both a combo of window-shopping & the actual shopping.

5. She has to make sure that the garment she’s picking up is unique – not already owned (or worn) by known & unknown people.

6. She does not need to plan on what to buy. She buys it whenever she gets to see something that she likes.

7. She has to look out for all the possible & best bargains before she decides to buy, even if she’s helping someone else do the purchase.

8. Unlike a man, she can’t wait to shop for clothes/shoes/purses until they are worn out.

9. She can quit a sumptuous meal (or go on a diet) if she makes up her mind to fit into something she wants to get into.

10. She does not want to shop like a man, for it is not shopping if one doesn’t take a look at over a 100 items before walking out of the shop without buying anything at all.

PS: Ladies, this is just for fun. However, do let me know of the points that you disagree, if any! 😉

 
6 Comments

Posted by on May 26, 2013 in Candid, Humor

 

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Art of Saying NO!

A lot many of us have this inability in us to deal with the word of negativity – NO.
We find it very difficult to SAY NO…and at least an equal number of us find it hard to take a NO!
There are even cases where when one says a No, it’s been ridiculed,  understood otherwise or considered to be completely offensive.

From our younger days, it has been instilled in us that saying something in the negative is rude. And this has been passed on, generation after generation.

Instance1: Before Birth
You had no choice to choose your family. So no option to “Accept”/”Decline” your prospective family.

Instance2: After Birth
You hate curd rice , for the curd being bitter or just for the simple reason that you don’t like it. But no, your mom/grandma make sure that you are force fed. You yell NOooooo in your cries, but they don’t happen to understand your lingo! However, they tell you how nutritious & good it is for your day-2-day growth – as if or assuming you understand!

Instance3: You are now attending a Boys-Only School
It’s lunch time. Mom has packed one of your favorites – Cheesy Pasta. Your best friend – who by the way, has brought curd rice in his lunch box – asks you for his share as Pasta happens to be his favorite too.
You want to say No, yet you can’t say or rather you don’t know how to say No. He waits no longer, grabs your lunch box and grabs half the content. You are heartbroken.
He offers you half his curd rice. You either accept & eat it reluctantly because you are hungry or choose to stay hungry & throw it out later on your way back home – but you don’t say no (What if he says “You are no  longer my best friend”?, What if he says “God/Mother promise, I will never talk to you or let you play with my cricket bat!”?, etc).

Instance4: You move into a Co-ed College
Except for your grandma, mom, aunts, sister & teachers in school, you have never spoken to the opposite gender in your life so far. And then your best friend dares you to go ask a girl, her name. You don’t decline as you have no choice but to go ahead with the dare, for otherwise you fear that you could get “branded”. What happens next, makes you hate the fairer sex, for being so insensitive/rude. You had after all just asked her name. Your pink left cheek, trends as it gets itself added to the eternal folklore of the college corridor gossips!

Instance5: You find yourself in an Engineering College
Medicine was your career choice, but grandma wanted an engineer in the family. “If you fall sick, I can suggest you the medication…but I cannot repair the radio!” was her way of convincing the generations that followed hers.
Because you cannot disappoint your grandma nor go against her wishes, you take admission into any college that has vacant seat in its last benches.
You flirt with all those gals that come your way during the four years, as you think you’d have grandma’s blessings for the same. You propose to a few, who say NO to you. But then since you do not believe in  “Rejection”, you still end up going behind them expecting a positive nod from their end. You even seek blessings from your grandma, to go about your (unknowingly sinister) desire!

Instance6: And then you get into being a Professional
You get those meeting requests. How many of you think twice when you have to click on “Decline”? How many of you end up clicking on “Accept”? How many of you go 50-50, as you opt for “Tentative”? (In the initial days, I’ve myself been guilty of clicking “tentative” and not attending the meeting instead of plainly declining it in the first place! Over time, I’ve learnt that it’s not rude to click on “Decline”, for if it was then it wouldn’t have be one among the options! 😉 )
You get a mail from your supervisor, about having to attend a “mandatory” training on his/her behalf. You wonder who is it mandatory for? You wonder if there is a way to say NO!?
You get copied (Cc-ed) in a mail by your business-analyst informing all the executive-designates that you would be representing on his behalf in the client call! You are not even aware of who the customer is. You have not even been intimated. You start to perspire, for now you have to say NO (but don’t know how to either) which would go into the inboxes of a lot many senior individuals.

Instance7: You happily get married & dance at your wedding too.
Once the regular life starts, you wonder – why you commit a lot of mistakes, why you end up on the wrong feet, why you are always held responsible for something that goes wrong – till that very moment where you Stop Saying a NO!

Instance8: And when you get kids
You fear that a “No” from your end, could make your kid compare you with the parents of his/her friends. What if you are not On-par? What if you…

Teach your kids, to say “No” to something they do not believe in…
Teach your kids, to respect someone who says a “No” to them…
Teach your kids, that their life (and of others) will be much better if they KNOW the proper usage of NO!

Know the NO! 😀

Post dedicated to Jyoti Singh Pandey!

 
10 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Candid, Humor, Thoughts

 

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Parody[14]~Code-um Logic-um… ;)

This is a stupid song “Dream-um Wakeup-um” from Rani-MukherjiPrithviraj‘s latest movie “Aiyaaa” and it has now been made even more drastically stupid by engineering it with our IT industry funda…won’t call this the Best Practice though!

Here we go: Lemme know if it fits to the tune!
 
Code-um logic-um not-at-all compiling-um
Bug-um error-um bill full client wakeup-um
 
Case to case-um testing fail-um
Base to top-um fulltu escalation-um
Server-um citrix-um down-um surrender-um
Small-um matter-um (now) big-um blunder-um
Sundaram… Arunachalam…
Kalyan-um…Narayana-um…
Onne rende moone, no…surely all naalavdu bucket-num
 
Start meeting-um finger-a pointing-um
Respect lost trouble vast, gotta escape-num
Excel sheet-um Data corrupt-um
Google search I’m feeling no lucky-um
Shame to shame-um, waste s/w engineer-um
Full-um screw-um Appraisal rating-um…
 
Server-um citrix-um down-um surrender-um
Small-um matter-um (now) big-um blunder-um
Sundaram… Arunachalam…
Kalyan-um…Narayana-um…
Onne rende moone, no…surely naalavdu bucket-num!

Like“?

You can read my old parodies – HERE.

Glossary: Onne – One, Rende – Two, Moone – Three, Naalavdu = Fourth..

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2012 in Humor, Parody, poetry

 

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[UnReview]~Heroinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ;)

I did not want to do this, but then such a juicy opportunity at being appreciative of something *what’s the word* comes in very rarely!

I don’t know what my crazy stars were up to or in which direction did the sun rise on that wonderful day that I booked tickets for ‘Heroine’. I can see that you are already tempted to close this page, for you are sure I’ll give out the storyline. No, don’t worry about it cos even after watching this epic, I wondered about what the storyline actually was.

Anyway, this is not a review of that movie for I do not qualify to criticize something that is, well…not something!
Instead let me note down a few pointers, which the makers had to keep in mind to give it a chance to get itself nominated for the Oscars.

1. It doesn’t matter if you have dialogues or not, but have a storyline. See Barfi.
2. Getting inspired from newspapers to create a movie? Really? If at all you have to get inspired, then go for Notebook/notepad/ipad/etc. See Barfi.
3. It doesn’t matter how much of ‘Fashion’ you have in the movie. It matters if you have Priyanka Chopra. See Barfi.
4. It’s actually ok if you wear much more than a handkerchief. You’d have something to wipe off that perspiration on your brow. See Barfi.
5. You can love someone or be loved even if you are just a nobody. See Barfi.
6. Creating hype increases expectations. Instead, make a movie silently or make a silent movie. See Barfi.

It was all ok till the mid of first half. Then it seemed like the director had forgotten his script back at home/hotel or had lost it to fire. The result of that was it took me 2 full days to recover from what I got to see for the last 75% of the movie’s duration.
Anyway, who am I to talk about someone’s creative thought process? To each his own, isn’t it? Well…so, do not miss to watch Heroine, for it won’t long last. If you end up disappointed at missing it, then See Barfi. 😉

 
8 Comments

Posted by on September 25, 2012 in Humor, I~do~such~things, Movies, Reviews

 

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[Humor-Poetry]~Can Sakhu Bai ask Why?

Hello Namaste Vanakkam, yo! I’m back again…
Still hot and beautiful I’m, Aayi Shappat, hand on my brain!
Say you didn’t miss me, without telling a lie…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

Btw, what do these men think?
That if I speak nice, they can pick me with a wink?
Now all I feel is that there is not one decent guy…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

I bought a car, which runs on deejil…
As petrol is costly for a tank fill…
And just now they increased deejil cost by five…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

Life is funny, and to screw it would just be an irony…
I believe in Karma, and so not always safe to meddle with destiny!
When someone smiles, it’s always more than what meets the eye…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

I wondered what scam they could do with a toothpaste…
When all day on television, I got to hear about Co(a)lgate…
When I understood, I realized India Shining was just a lie…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

*****************************************************************
Note: The English language is deliberately twisted at a few places in this poem…so my dearest English pundits, please echoos me…this is purely a desi-flavored masala!!

Translations & Twists:
Aayi Shappat = Mother Promise
Deejil = Diesel
Vanakkam = Welcome/Hello

Other Sakhu Bai Poetry: HERE 🙂

 
5 Comments

Posted by on September 15, 2012 in Humor, I~do~such~things, poetry

 

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[Contest]~Marriage: Who Convinced Whom? :)

“As she crossed the road that noon, it was like she had walked right into my life.”

Arranged marriage or Love marriage? Only a few get to experience both, so that they can compare which one turned out to be better for them. In case of the majority, the grass seems to be greener on the other side.
In either of the cases, the condition or situation is the same….only the dialogues differ.
This is how the spouses would go against each other:
Love marriage: ‘Having known you for like 3 years before marriage, I don’t know how I succumbed into getting married to you?’
Arranged marriage: ‘This is why I always felt that it was dangerous to agree for an arranged marriage.’
The only difference I can feel is that in love marriage, you re-experience something which you wouldn’t have liked earlier but had overlooked…while in arrange marriage, the same thing you’d have assumed to happen (and universe brings together its sources, and makes sure it does happen) happens.
With respect to the pain, I believe it is of the same level, though it’d be of different nature.

And then there can be difference in thoughts:
One who had a Love marriage: “Why didn’t I listen to my parents and settle for a gal/guy of their choice? Why was I stubborn to marry this one?”
One who had an Arranged marriage: “I should have proposed to her/him. What if she/he was someone else’s girlfriend/boyfriend? Why did I agree to marry someone my mother chose?”

The Complication lies in the Art of Convincing!
In case of Love marriage: You got to convince your parents, her/his parents, first circle of relatives (believe me!) on both sides, grandparents (if they are still authoritative), in some cases the long term neighbors (who’d have dreamed of getting their kid – if of the suitable gender – married to you) and even their dog!
In case of Arranged marriage: The whole universe around you tries to unite – come together in a miraculous manner – in order to persuade/convince you to agree to their choice! Even the dog, wags its tail.

If you are thinking about what happened in my particular case:
I was brought up in a jovial environment where arranged marriages were considered to be successful and hence, forever trending! And the love marriages that did happen in the family were between two individuals who belonged to the same caste/sub-caste and speaking the same mother tongue. So it was put down (in no writing) that if I was to have a love marriage, I’d have to find a gal who spoke my mother tongue. It made no sense to me and I played the ball into my mom’s court:
Horoscopes were matched, elders gave in their blessings. Only then was I given her email ID and asked to go figure. Though talking to girls was a casual affair, this was new to me and so I struggled. On getting her phone number we spoke for over 3 weeks at an average of 2 calls of 45 mins each per week. And when I went to meet her for the very first time, she crossed the road from the other side as if she walked right into my life.
It was first time for me in terms of arranged marriage 😉 so I wasnt’t aware of the procedure and hence I told her on the spot that I loved (meeting) her and it was a yes from my end. I consider it to be a Arranged-Love marriage from my end, for I had no clue that as per the protocol, I was supposed to convey my yes/no through my parents to her parents/relatives. She took her own sweet time (which was painful for me, in terms of the waiting period and uncertainty) to agree to my proposal and the rest as they say, is history. 😀

This is my entry to the Indiblogger’s contest – Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage!

Also on Facebook – HERE.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Candid, Happens~2~me, Humor, I~do~such~things

 

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