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Category Archives: Imaginative Bakwaas

[Karuna-ndid]~A stolen page from the Diary of Grandpa in sunglasses! ;)

Dear Diary,

I always write to you in English, because this is the only place where I can show-off my hold on the queen’s language. As you know, I talk and promote only the mother-tongue of most of my voters. But the fact is that I love English as much as I love my mother-tongue but then let it be our very own little secret. You and I, it’s a wonderful world! I love that jingle where the pug follows you. It makes me feel younger than my actual 87, makes me want to jump out of this cosy pushback enabled wheelchair!

But both the ladies at home prefer the other network due to the various freebies it provides like free Closed User Group (CUG) calls, free local messaging and free one hour of browsing per day. These mobile advertisements, I must confess are pure genius acts. I’ve been in politics for more years than I can remember but then I didn’t get such Ideas all this long.

A few years back, while having dinner with my extended family, we happened to discuss the variety of tariff plans offered by the various service providers in our state and that was when I had my EUREKA moment! “What makes us select a particular mobile service provider?” I asked my family of err…so many members. And surprisingly, for the first and well the only time in my life they shouted out in unison “FREEBIES”!!! And this is the very moment that I got to know the way forward in our field of politics; just like how cloud computing they say is the next big thing in the IT field. This is why I love the two sectors, Television and Telecom!

We experimented with this new approach during the last elections, giving away color televisions and free rice to our voters! It gave me the CM chair for 5 long years. Yippeee! :)))))
“Where will the money come from?” Khaja had asked me. I had winked at him and he had smiled. That is when I first realized that he was my man, fit enough to dig into the untapped funds of my favorite Telecom sector. A visionary behind the dark goggles, am I not? Ha ha…

Five years back, I had announced that I would be a chief ministerial candidate for the last time but then sitting back and strolling on this Persian-cushioned wheel chair, I feel stronger than never before. When I cannot give the CM candidature to the one I want, I’ll give it to none and continue with it. They’ll anyways fight after my time. I’ve more important things to fight against for now. Firstly, I’ve to physically (ha ha, what the…) win at my new election constituency and then mentally with Ms. Amma. Election time or not, she’s always on my mind! 😉

Ms. Amma is not as simple as she may look. There’s a lot more in her armory (Ahem). But then I feel sad to see her copy my ‘Eureka moments’. This time she’s using my method and is doing much better than what I’ve proposed to do. Along with the Televisions, Laptops and Grinders, she’s provided Electric Fans to the ladies. Master stroke I would say…a strategic move that only a lady can think of. I’ve two of my own at home, but…huh…leave it.

Let’s see how it goes. If the people vote in her favor, I’ll retire handing over the ruins to anyone who takes and write movie scripts. With so many scams on, I got a lot of storylines you see. Anyways, I’m sleepy now!

Hoping to get up tomorrow,
Goodnight!

PS: I’m very disappointed with the PM for not inviting me to the India-Pakistan semifinal match. I need to learn ‘sleeping with the enemy’ from him! Huh…

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone dead or alive, is sheer co-incidence. If you find it offensive, I didn’t write it! 😀

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Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Imaginative Bakwaas, I~do~such~things

 

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[Combo]~Of Print Ads/Slogans and an Irony! ;)

Imagine this:
I’m driving behind this sleak person wearing a black jacket, a shining helmet, red-n-black gloves, a branded sports shoe and riding a Royal Enfield Thunderbird.
I couldn’t drive much behind that person as I find it boring to drive at 40kmph on an empty one way road, so I decide to overtake. As I do that, I see a clean (read: waxed) slim hand which radiates an “awwwww” in my mind and as I move ahead at 50kmph I sneak a peak into my rear view mirror, only to find the face covered by a peacock design cloth and eyes by shades.
And before she wonders about who this guy driving an Activa wearing light pink shirt is, I accelerate to the maximum and get out of sight!
#Irony

A friend forwarded a message on my cell this morning, which gave me an idea for this slogan statement print Ad! 😉

And this one-liner came to my mind 2 days ago and happened to be my Facebook status!! Today I turned it into a Print Ad for Nokia! 😉

 
8 Comments

Posted by on October 7, 2010 in Imaginative Bakwaas, I~do~such~things, Thoughts

 

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[Funtakshari]~This is how we met…

This is how we met…
…though I haven’t told you guys the story yet!

And well…the story is yet to be scripted by the power up above. But anyways, let me picture how it could turn out to be. Common, a little bit of futuristic thinking won’t hurt… 😛

“Son, you will have an arranged marriage when you grow up…just like how daddy to marry me” – I was told, when on my 4th birthday I insisted (read: COL-ed = Cried Out Loud) on making the cute double pony tailed Aisha sit next to me.

That was not the only time. I had to hear that time and again, almost every time I took a gal’s name out of my big mouth, where secrets seldom settled.

In 7th standard – “What kinda punishment is this? Making you sit next to a gal? Son, you remember na? When u grow up, you will have an arranged marriage like your daddy!”

After my 10th standard convocation photo was clicked, I was quickly reminded that the gal who stood next to me was not the one for me – “Son, you are too young to choose the right one!”

My 11th and 12th went by in silence – literally – as I was admitted into an all boys pre-university college.

During the engineering, as I practically experimented (in the labs) with my female partner, my consciousness projected on my mental screen a projection of mom advising me – “Son, either you do the experiment or watch her do it. Do not hold the same wire together, there would surely be a short-circuit…remember, we have the responsibility of arranging your marriage!”

“Mom, I got selected at campus…and the lady who selected told me I was very good”…
“Son, remember…you will have an arranged marriage when you get some experience…by the way, congrats and all the best”

“Mom, the batch owner told me I would make a good batch representative…she also said…”
“Son, remember…you will have an arranged marriage…batch representative eh? nice…is she a senior?”

“Mom, I got allocated into my first project…the lady manager was…”
“Son, remember…you will have an arranged marriage whenever you are ready…manager too eh??”

“Son, you are now experienced enough at work to get settled in your life. The time has now come for me to arrange you a bride…”

“Ok son…so here are two pics…choose one”
“But mom, why do I have to choose? I thought you will arrange one!” :O

“Son, your horoscope has matched with Neeta’s. Do call her up tomorrow and see if she would like to meet you. Our responsibility of arranging, ends here…rest is up to you both!”
“What? Call her and say what? That mom asked me to call you? And then what?”
“Common son, you know and talk to a lot of gals don’t you?? what is the problem now?”

So there I am now…with a girl’s phone number in hand…not sure what to talk about, on calling.
“Call son, call…we are there for you…all the best…we are here only…gives us the good news!”

“Hello, is that Neeta?”
“Ya speaking…”
“This is Sreeram here”
“Hey hi dude…”
“How are you doing?”
“Chillin out man…how about you?”
“Err…eh….yes me too, yes yes…”
“Wassup?”
“So…well…by the way…you know…actually…anyways…”
“You wanna meet me?”
“Yes…my mom wanted us to meet”
“You didn’t?”
“Hmm…yes yes me to…yes yes”
“Ok how about tomorrow, 7pm at Baristas?”
“Ok done…bye”

As I turned back, there were 2 sets of full fledged smiling faces…
“Arranged no?? Arranged no??”

So there I was next day at Baristas…exactly at 6pm…practising a few lines I had scribbled on my cell editor….
This was not just another gal that I would be meeting, for the first time…but if we get along, chances are that we might have to get along all through the rest of our lives. It was simply scary…not her, but the thought and the situation.
I had three cups of strong black coffee in the next one hour or so, while memorizing those scribbled lines…

And quarter past 7, she walked in….

This is how we first met…
…though I haven’t told you guys THE STORY yet!  😉

Disclaimer: The story in this post, is part imaginary and part – that of my cousin…especially the phone call and the barista meet. And yeah as usual, the imaginary part is in excess! 😉

PS: This is my installment write up to the on-going Funtakshari…at my internal corporate blog…For the unknown, Funtakshari is the written form of Antakshari which we guys are innovating on…Where in the last line of the previous post, is the first line of the current post.

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2010 in Imaginative Bakwaas, Stories

 

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[Post#200]~ My name is Ram, and I’m not a God! :P

This post is in response with Blogadda’sTribute to Dad” contest.

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“I said no…”

“Dad…please dad…I’m calling you at STD rates, paa, please!”

“No…what do you think of yourself? I said no…this is Kalyug, not Dwapar or Treta yug for me to arrange you a swayamvar!!”

“But dad…I know you couldn’t help when grandpa named you Dashrath…for he himself was named Aja…but then you could have stopped this whole Ramayan, by not naming me Ram – isn’t it? How nice it would’ve been, had you named me Raj or Rahul?”

“Ram, you always complain to me about your name…who asked you to take birth during Ram-Navami? Your grandpa was so sure that Lord Ram had arrived and forced me to write your name so in the hospital records!!”

“Who asked to take birth?!! Dad, you should have planned it all properly…but then on second thoughts, what if I was born on Oct 2nd…nahi, jo hua achche ke liye hua…everything happens for its own good…”

“Huh…imagine how much of history I’ve manage to change in an otherwise ‘Perfect Ramayan’ that your grandpa wanted to script with this family of his. If I had not resisted his obsessive insanity, you would have had Bharath-Lakshman-Shatrughn along with their 2 mothers living over here.”

“Oh yeah…how did that not happen?”

“Your mom, Kousalya would have stripped me – off my skin.”

“Well dad…this is my 11th year away from home in this corporate jungle…how much ever I try to get back home, 14 years away seems to be in fate. However, during his exile he had his wife and brother for company. If Valmiki has written my whole life story then swayamvar would be a part of it. Waise bhi, it’s always better than a straightforward arranged marriage!”

“You are impossible son, simply impossible. By the way, tell me one thing. Did you by any god-forsaken chance apply to take part in that nautanki Rakhi’s Swayamvar on TV?”

“Err, well dad…I did apply….and got selected too. But then when Rakhi came to meet me, I didn’t like her nose…it seemed all plastic, as if like she’d done a nose job. Not just the nose paa, you know the…”

“Ok ok…that monkey friend of yours would have given you this idea to register for that swayamvar, didn’t he?”

“Hmmm…yeah Maddy…and he’s perfectly human Daddy…perfectly human.”

“Ya ya I know all your friends…useless fellows, they keep playing bridge all day by the beach-side”.

“Dadddd…you are deviating from the topiccc…Swayamvar…when will you host one for me? I am serious…”

“I’m doubly serious son…no swayamvar and all…I’ll find you a Sita…god knows on which island she’s waiting for you”

“Hmm…but do not name her Sita…I like Senorita, Simran or…”

“Rekha?”

“Daaaddd…I’m talking about naming my wife-to-be…you can re-name mom as Rekha, grandpa won’t comeback to haunt you…neither would mom complain…hehe”

“Shh…your mom doesn’t know about Rekha…its been a long call, STD remember??”

“Hehe…thats fine paa…By the way, Maddy is flying to Srilanka this weekend on an assignment…Is this a sign?”

“Shut up…tell him to have a safe flight and see to it that the tail doesn’t catch fire…”

“Dad…I am serious about this…what if this is a sign? I’ve anyways given him my resume and passport copy as identity proof…I think its high time for me to explore new shores.”

“You are already far away from us Ram, how much farther do you want to go? That too in search of Sita…we should have got you married before you left for what seems to be an exile!”

“Hmm…But paa…”

“And what happens if some Rakhi captures your mind with her low-cut and latest fashion clothes…I had fallen for Rekha too once, so its all in the genes…and micro-minis.”

“Err…but paa…”

“Nothing doing…listen to your paa…come over here, cos this is where you belong…We’ll find you a nice Rekha, and get you settled…I’ll put your profile on the matrimonial site, in the classified newspaper columns, open a page for you on Facebook…lets do it in a modern way Ram!”

“Ok….but paa…not Rekh…”

“No if, no butttt…you just come here…”

“Ok paa..but what about Maddy?”

“Ask that monkey to return before his back gets tanned…now keep the phone down…Kousalya is calling me from the garden!”

“Haha…ok dad…bye”

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When Ravan’s character can be twisted and made into a movie, I thought why not twist Ram’s character for a post?
How was it? 😛

For customized/personalized T-shirts, gifts, mugs, posters, teddy’s, etc…search no more, just visit www.pringoo.com – just express your individuality!! 🙂 I’ve THIS gift cos me a like paa, like son! 🙂

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2010 in Imaginative Bakwaas, Stories

 

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[Bakwaas]~A Rakhi on TV is better than on hand or around you!! ;)

What I have learnt recently is that, ‘being a bachelor and staying away from flirting is very similar to sitting comfortably on a steel plate kept on a lit stove‘.
But as you all know, I’m strictly vegetarian if flirting is considered non-vegetarian in nature! Hmm…

Anyways…what happened was…last night I was sitting in my drawing room watching television. There was no power, so I was just watching my reflection in it. My housemates were not yet home and the dwarfed piece of candle burning over the television set was my only companion. As I was manufacturing different shapes of shadows on the wall, there was a knock on the door. Expecting my housemates, I opened the door. For a moment, I was shocked to see the “figure” standing on the other side of the door. And by the time I recovered, we were on the same side. And I tried my best not to collapse, cos I didn’t want to fall into ‘those’ hands! 😉 As I was about to open my mouth, I heard a man-ly voice speak…

“Jee-Jussss…what the happened to you ji? Eeeesh the everything alright?”…
My mouth went dry…I didn’t expect this item lady to be at my place…What was she here for?
“Yes yes…am ok…who are you?”
“Haaaaaayeeeeeeeeee Jeeeee-Jusssssssss…don’t the you know me?”
“Err…do you know me?”
“Don’t the joke re…don’t the joke…ofcourse re baba, I know the you…now bolo, you know the me na? I’m the Rakhi re, the Rakhi Sawant…world famous on telebijon”.
“Hmm…it’s dark na…pehchaan nahi paaya…didn’t recognize”.
“Koi baat nahi re, chikne…no the problem, no”.
“Hmmm…what are you here for?”
“I don’t the beat around bush…coming straight to the matter ji…”
“Well…ok….”
“Me the heard ki you are the most legitimate bachelor who talks aloud about being the bachelor…”
“Err…what? who legitimate? me? you mean eligible?”
“Haan wahi..shame to shame…and me come with a proposal…Will you…”
“Wait…will you…will you what?”
“Will you…tell the bechari me, the secret for staying single?”
Oink! iski toh…
“Err…no such secret…its just pure luck…bad wala…”
“Jeee-Jusss…I think time for me to be religious….luck shuck, not mera chai cup”
That will save a lot of us…
“Amen…”
“Achcha ji chalo…pose you give, for the camera…bolo the cheeeeeejjjjj”

What the…

Note: Bad quality of the pic, is due to the absence of light…and my good luck! 😛

Disclaimer: This is just for timepass and harmless (p)fun…Rakhi Sawant, if you reads this – don’t forget to comment. 🙂

 
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Posted by on May 6, 2010 in Imaginative Bakwaas, I~do~such~things

 

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Picture abhi baaki hey mere dost… ;)

Nah…I don’t agree with Megs…I am not what she thinks I am. All that she’s written about “Sree and She” in her blog is merely a screenplay enacted in her mind…a script so fictional that fiction would seem to be real. I maybe a movie freak but once am out of the theatre I play my own character role, myself. I don’t get affected by the characters on the screen. I may have written a few love letters in blood which might have in advance inspired Rahul to write so to K…Kkk…kk…Kiran in Darr, but then that isn’t my fault…is it?

And yes, I sign off with “Where ShE is, SrEe is”??? – So what? My name is SrEe, but I’m not where ShE is. Not yet!

She came to my house yesterday, sat on my bed, checked her mails on my laptop (I guess she had touched it before too when I went to the restroom…it already smelt of her odor when I passed it over to her), talked to me for a while and even took a few potato chips off my plate. Uff…romantic. I know she didn’t like the way I looked at that moment but then she didn’t say a word about it. She left behind a card on bed at the very spot that she had sat. “Raji weds Rancho”, it read inviting me to her wedding with an idiot who somehow managed to impress and propose to her, before I could.

A few years ago I took up blogging to learn how to speak out my mind, to express myself and especially my love for her. How much ever I tried, my mind would get frozen as if I was standing not in front of my Team Lead (TL), but shirtless in freaking cold Antarctica. Raji, was just a year older to me and so it was considered a taboo to fall in love with her. Forget family, even friends and colleagues were not in favor. Gautham Menon too, was very late to cross and come out of the skies with a story on this very situation involving Karthik and Jessie. Ironically my friends, colleagues and family not only loved the movie but they even sympathized with Karthik. I think it was AR Rahman’s (ARR) background music that did the trick for him. I wish I had someone half as good as ARR playing music standing behind me too. But life isn’t a movie na? Nevertheless, I felt happy for Karthik. What if things didn’t work out for both of us? At least he got some sympathy from MY loved ones. Hmm…see I am smiling 🙂 I’m happy.

My first year in my organization was good…with trainings, new colleagues, batch mates and free coffee. And then like a fresh breath of air, came in Raji. She was a lateral associate, who was rumored to be very smart-cum-intelligent and hence was assigned the role of a team lead in our project to manage a bunch of merry-making freshers. It definitely wasn’t love at first sight for me. I hated the intelligent lot. And a woman dressed in a man’s attire on almost every day of the week, wasn’t my idea of the one I was eventually gonna fall for.

Just like Gautham directed Trisha in taking the office bus, Raji also used to catch the office bus to our campus. I used to take free (OC*) rides on my friend’s bike from the very same spot and that is exactly where I fell in love with her, months after she took over as my TL. She was walking down in a blue-n-white combination sari with a laptop bag in hand, which very recently Trisha imitated so beautifully on screen – it was her first time in a sari to office and my first fall off the bike while driving pillion – both on the same day and I celebrated the sheer co-incidence, drinking a cup full of coffee from the vending machine in the office cafeteria.

Every time I went n stood in front of her, I dunno what happened to me. Aren’t people in love able to talk? This was my first time, but I don’t remember Karthik struggling to talk in front of Trisha…then why am I not able to? I rehearsed my lines a few hundred times before each attempt but then my mind used to go blank the moment she looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes. I in-evidently happened to lose my senses, as those sweet lips made a saucy move as if asking, “Yes my love, you wanna say something to me?”!!! Having watched the movie Ghajini, I thought I too had this habit of forgetting stuff, but then in my case it seemed to be selective amnesia…only in front of Kalpana. Tattooing on my body about all that I wanted to tell her was an option, though a painful one. Not wanting to hurt the one who loved dear Kalpana, I decided against it.

Also I didn’t want to tell her my feelings via the office communicator. I don’t like the yellow smileys. They make me so uncomfortable, puke-ish. They seem to say one thing, while they actually mean something else. How will I react/respond if she replies negatively, backed by a smiling yellow face? I can’t even think of it.

As I struggled to tell her my feelings, the year long project went live and she seemed to have moved on. No more was she taking the bus to office. Karthik used to drop her to office on his bike. Jessie liked the fast pillion ride just like I did. Though we had the same tastes, we were not meant to be. Kalpana was killed, but I was not even considered fit to be a character by Gautham. On benefit of doubt, maybe he forgot. Ghajini, faala kameena.

Now that Raji is getting engaged to him, Rancho doesn’t want her to do poetry – shape or not – anymore but he would like her to be a scientist like him in the North East. Poetry he feels binds her to me…he fears I will comment with my blood on her poems and that in romantic emotion, she will flirt with me. He’s unaware of the fact, that it’s the poetry which flirts in between and not her. I anyways don’t. If he can’t understand this much, will he be able to understand it if she comes from across the skies? (did anyone see VTV? 😛 )

Disclaimer: This piece of write up is inspired as a result of watching some terribly good movies which have etched on to my mind. If anyone dead or alive is by chance related to any character in this story, I would suggest giving the doctor a visit. I would recommend Dr. J dot Asthana or his daughter Dr. Chinki.

*OC – Other’s Cost

 
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Posted by on April 4, 2010 in Imaginative Bakwaas, I~do~such~things, Stories

 

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[Crazy-Poetry]~ Sakhu Bai…in LoVe! ;)

I know you would say, long time no see…
Kya bolu – I am fulltu busy, not at all free…
So what’s up, I know you would ask the poor me…
IT job, not as easy like monkeys climbing a tree… :mrgreen:

Anyways, I’ve something in secret to tell you all…
Thought of writing down here, as I feel very shy on the call…
Never thought this would happen, but chalo gimme a haaii-faaii…
How to say, hmm…ya…deeply fallen in love is your Sakhu Bai!! 😉

Sitting in the next cubicle, he used to gimme weird looks…
Initially I felt like hitting him hard with piles of books…
Then what to say, uff…he happened to seem nice and cute…
Love was in the air with music in the background, violins and flute… 😛

Feels nice to say, ki your Sakhu Bai is now no more single…
Too much time spent coochie-cooing free on phone, no time to mingle…
Planning is fulltu on, for our marriage which is now love cum arranged…
And oh yes, to ‘committed’ – my Orkut-n-Facebook status, I’ve changed… 😉

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Note: The English language is deliberately twisted at a few places in this poem…so my dearest English pundits, pls echoos me…this is purely a desi-flavored masala!! 😀

With permission from dearest Sakhu Bai, I tend to dedicate this poem(??) to all those who have recently been married, engaged, fixed or found love! – The theme of this poem was based on all your stories!! 🙂

As for the title of the poem – well…when Shaky (Shakespeare) can fall in love, why can’t our Sakhu-bai! 😉

Translations (for the few hindi words that I’ve used):
1) Kya bolu – what can I say?
2) Fulltu – is a slang word for ‘wholesale’ or ‘full time’
3) Ki – that
4) Coochie-cooing – its an art of whispering loud between couples (don’t ask me, anything more 😉 )

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2010 in Imaginative Bakwaas, poetry

 

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