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A deadlock – that they call LOVE…!

I was in love with her….she was in love with me…but we were not in love with eachother! It was a very difficult time for all the three of us. It was more difficult for me, as those two gals were best of friends. I had no one to share my views or pain with…I loved her, she loved me but I was still all alone.

Sonali and Janet were my friends since a long time…Sonali was my neighbour since the time I moved into this flat 14 years ago…and Janet was her classmate since the time she started going to school…!! So I knew Janet almost for the same time, maybe a few hours less.

Coming to the point…
I loved Sonali like nuts…she was lovely but assorted when it came to her moods. She seemed to love Monu more than me. Innumerable times, have I wished that I could bark too…like her “cute and adorable” yet irritating pomeranian Monu. May be then she would have loved me! Hmmm… Her mom Sakshi loved me more, probably as she didn’t have a male child…or may be I was cute and lovable! 😉 Her dad Rajesh loved me too…when I wasn’t around his wife or daughter in his own flat. Men express love in their own passionate manner, I must add.
I was so much obsessed with Sonali those days that for every single/small thing I needed to know, I used to run to her…like for instance, 12 years ago one fine night around 11pm I sneezed 3 times in succession…So I ran down the stairs to her flat, rang the bell, Rajesh uncle opened (but who cared) the door, I ran straight to her bedroom…and asked her if she had remembered me…just to confirm if she was the reason behind my 3 sneezes! I knew something (kuch kuch) was happening, but didn’t know what….and maybe didn’t know why!
But looking back, those were the best days of my life…summer of ’95!

Janet loved nuts. She loved me too…But she never told me….I got to know of this, just a few days ago but now it is too late. She would never have loved me, had she not come to Sonali’s house, or had I not been a frequent pain to Rajesh uncle!! 😀
Since they both went to an all-girls school, I guess Janet fell for me…I am saying this cos, if I was a girl myself I would never had loved my self!! Now looking back, I can say Janet was as lovely as Sonali…but I had been blinded due to my own obsession for Sonali…!! Maybe those few hours less, made all the difference…I can never get to know…!!
I got to know about Janet’s love for me, from none other than Sonali…in whom she used to confess. Janet never told me, not even until her last breath…but she did make sure to let me know of her selfless love through my selfless love. Ah! What an unbearable pain!!  😦

difference

Now looking back, I’m wondering as to where did things go wrong!!
Why did I love Sonali? Well…I fell in love with Sonali maybe for the reason that she was the only gal of my age in that building block…maybe for the reason that she took real good care of my little sister who was her junior in school…may be for the reason that her mom loved me…may be for the reason that I wanted to irritate her dad…maybe for the reason that something (kuch kuch) happened within me when I was around her…or just maybe for the only reason that was love.
This might have been the very reason why I wasn’t able to love Janet back…in the way she had loved me…hmm…

Now why didn’t Sonali love me? Well…maybe for the reason that she didn’t miss me enough as I was always around…may be for the reason that I was so very much within reach that I was taken for granted…maybe for the reason that she loved her dog more…maybe for the reason that Janet had confessed her love for me to her…maybe for the reason that she valued her friendship more….maybe for the reason that she didn’t want to hurt Rajesh uncle more…or just maybe for the reason that she didn’t love me at all!

Why did Janet love me? Well…maybe for the reason that I was the only guy her age she knew…maybe for the reason that she saw how passionately in love I was with Sonali…maybe for the reason that I was always around…maybe for the reason that she knew Sonali was just a friend to me…or just maybe for the only reason that it was me!

Finally as of today…
She is in love with me…I am in love with her…But we are still not in love with eachother…It is a very difficult situation for all the three of us. Sonali was too late to confess her love for me…I was indeed very late to love Janet back…and Janet was herself anyways “late”! RIP! Hmmmmmm….

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Posted by on March 21, 2009 in Thoughts

 

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