RSS

Tag Archives: Elections

[Karuna-ndid]~A stolen page from the Diary of Grandpa in sunglasses! ;)

Dear Diary,

I always write to you in English, because this is the only place where I can show-off my hold on the queen’s language. As you know, I talk and promote only the mother-tongue of most of my voters. But the fact is that I love English as much as I love my mother-tongue but then let it be our very own little secret. You and I, it’s a wonderful world! I love that jingle where the pug follows you. It makes me feel younger than my actual 87, makes me want to jump out of this cosy pushback enabled wheelchair!

But both the ladies at home prefer the other network due to the various freebies it provides like free Closed User Group (CUG) calls, free local messaging and free one hour of browsing per day. These mobile advertisements, I must confess are pure genius acts. I’ve been in politics for more years than I can remember but then I didn’t get such Ideas all this long.

A few years back, while having dinner with my extended family, we happened to discuss the variety of tariff plans offered by the various service providers in our state and that was when I had my EUREKA moment! “What makes us select a particular mobile service provider?” I asked my family of err…so many members. And surprisingly, for the first and well the only time in my life they shouted out in unison “FREEBIES”!!! And this is the very moment that I got to know the way forward in our field of politics; just like how cloud computing they say is the next big thing in the IT field. This is why I love the two sectors, Television and Telecom!

We experimented with this new approach during the last elections, giving away color televisions and free rice to our voters! It gave me the CM chair for 5 long years. Yippeee! :)))))
“Where will the money come from?” Khaja had asked me. I had winked at him and he had smiled. That is when I first realized that he was my man, fit enough to dig into the untapped funds of my favorite Telecom sector. A visionary behind the dark goggles, am I not? Ha ha…

Five years back, I had announced that I would be a chief ministerial candidate for the last time but then sitting back and strolling on this Persian-cushioned wheel chair, I feel stronger than never before. When I cannot give the CM candidature to the one I want, I’ll give it to none and continue with it. They’ll anyways fight after my time. I’ve more important things to fight against for now. Firstly, I’ve to physically (ha ha, what the…) win at my new election constituency and then mentally with Ms. Amma. Election time or not, she’s always on my mind! 😉

Ms. Amma is not as simple as she may look. There’s a lot more in her armory (Ahem). But then I feel sad to see her copy my ‘Eureka moments’. This time she’s using my method and is doing much better than what I’ve proposed to do. Along with the Televisions, Laptops and Grinders, she’s provided Electric Fans to the ladies. Master stroke I would say…a strategic move that only a lady can think of. I’ve two of my own at home, but…huh…leave it.

Let’s see how it goes. If the people vote in her favor, I’ll retire handing over the ruins to anyone who takes and write movie scripts. With so many scams on, I got a lot of storylines you see. Anyways, I’m sleepy now!

Hoping to get up tomorrow,
Goodnight!

PS: I’m very disappointed with the PM for not inviting me to the India-Pakistan semifinal match. I need to learn ‘sleeping with the enemy’ from him! Huh…

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone dead or alive, is sheer co-incidence. If you find it offensive, I didn’t write it! 😀

Advertisements
 
4 Comments

Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Imaginative Bakwaas, I~do~such~things

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

[Bakwaas]~ Two Overseas Calls! ;)

Last week, I was working late past midnight and I got 2 unexpected overseas calls. 🙄

First call was from Ms. Momta Banner-ji (MB)…if you don’t know who she is, consider yourself blessed. If you do know her, well thank you cos then I need not tell you who she is…you save me the trouble of explaining what crap actually is. 😀

Me: Hello…
MB: Hallu….
Me: Hello….who is this?
MB: Momto Banner-ji isspeaking from right here…
Me: Who? right here where?
MB: No who…Momto…Momto Banner-ji isspeaking…from South of Africa-ji…
Me: Oh Momta…hello Momta…how are you? What are you doing in South Africa when Elections are going on in India??
MB: Bad sir-ji bad….I came here to cheer Kolkota kirket team sir-ji…
Me: What?!! Why did you go there…at this time?
MB: Now what to tell you sir-ji…it was not a good idea sir-ji!
Me: But why did you go there? 
MB: I was selected by Sah Rukh Kaan and our Dada as a Night-rider Cheerleader…I khelbo and jeetbo their cheerleader contest by record breaking botes sir-ji.
Me: Then what happened? Did you break your leg?
MB: No ji no…I was not yellawed to cheer for the Kolkota kirket team…No Hindustani can cheer in South of Africa sir-ji…
Me: Err…so you were campaigning for the cheerleader contest and not the general elections?
MB: More money in Eye-Pee-Yell sir-ji….and all safed (white)…
Me: Hmmm…but can you dance?
MB: I have made many of them dance…so you know, I got full-to experienced sir-ji…
Me: Ah…ok…so now what do you want from me?
MB: Sir-ji…write about the injustice done to me sir-ji…atleast let me get some sympathy botes from there to win the Elections this time…
Me: Err…ok…

And so I end up writing this conversation between us….pleash do bote for her…!! 😀

sree_on_call

Just as I was about to sleep…I got another call from an unknown number…

Me: Hello…
XX: Hello sir-ji..
Me: Who is this?
XX: Chopra…Aakash Chopra (AC) sir-ji…and I have Sanjay Bangar (SB) with me…we are on loud speaker…
Me: Oye…bond ki aulad…how loud? And why both of you calling me?
AC: Err…cost cutting sir-ji…so same call….we are being sent back to India by team management sir-ji…
Me: Hmm…heard it on the evening news…
AC&SB: Tell us what to do now sir-ji…
Me: Eh…didn’t you offer to join the cheerleaders?
SB: I did sir-ji…they were impressed by my moves and shakes sir-ji but then they said only local cheerleaders allowed up the stage…
Me: Hmm….come to India and take part in some reality dance show or join Momta Banner-ji…she can make you dance very well…I can recommend you to her.
SB: Eh…thank you sir-ji…that’s the best and only option I guesss now…I’ll cheer for her and hold the Banner up too…
Me: Err…whatever…
AC: But I cannot dance na sir-ji…?? 😦
Me: Well…why don’t you join A-run Lol and Sameer blah-blah on X-tra Innings? You morons can all sit together and jolly-chat about Cheerleaders, MANdira and well, sometimes please do talk about Cricket too.
AC: Huh…well…yes yes…sure…what an idea, sir-ji! Thank you sir-ji…

So now you know why you get to see Mr. Chopra doing some serious bheja fry on X-tra Innings…he only keeps quiet when MANdira comes on screen because…err…more on that later! 😛
And Mr. Bangar is lying low key…cos the latest gossip is that no Bandars (monkeys) and Bangars are allowed to cheer in any format of money games here. Yes this happens…only in India. 😀

 
9 Comments

Posted by on May 7, 2009 in Happens~2~me

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,