RSS

Tag Archives: Horoscope

[Humor]~The Matrimonial Itinerary – 4… ;)

So where were we, the last time we talked about this? Right HERE. 😀

It’s been long since your profile has been created on the matrimonial site. You know that, because your 28th birthday is just a few weeks away. There would have been several hits to your profile, provided you have put up a profile picture that is either cute or dashing or both. A meager 18% of those hits would have resulted in some kind of action being taken – one of them being, horoscopes exchanging hands (via email, off late).

If you are a guy, this is a testing time. You are not allowed to see the photograph of the gal, till the horoscopes match, on both sides. You curse the ones who preach about practicing patience!
You: “Mom, can I see her photograph? If I like her, then try to match.”
Mom: “You think you are funny eh? 28 years you have waited no, can’t you wait few more days?”
If you are a gal, you simply go shopping, not giving a damn. 😀

A horoscope is a very tricky entity!! It behaves inversely proportional to your taste, if at all there is a scope. Being a guy, if you have liked a gal (photo or in person or through skype) then take it in writing that 90% of the time the horoscope will stand in your way. The astrologer will tell your mom that only 13/36 houses match and in the rest, the planets refuse to come to terms with each other and that their bilateral talks have failed. You get used to the 3-idiot-terminology: Rahu-Ketu-Shani. You’re crestfallen every time this happens and if you keep a count, you’d know it happens quite often.
However, usually you are told that as per the “tradition” you’d not get to see the gal or her photograph until both your horoscopes have satisfactorily matched. The astrologer plays a very important role here. Knowing you, your parents don’t give out the name & address of the astrologer. They believe in the ‘anything/anyone can be bought for a price’ fundamental. Been there, done that?! 😉

This is a stage where being a girl is the toughest, especially if you don’t like yourself being photographed. Even if you like being photographed, you’d be irritated at the way the photographer instructs you to pose for the MARITAL PICTURE – “keep your palm under your cheek..” “give a lovely smile…” – how can she smile when she’s asked to strike a “thinker’s pose”?!! However artificial they may seem, the studio pictures are considered your finest ever.

You come into the picture whenever there is a match in the horoscopes.
Being a guy, you would wait for that moment and get excited as you can boast with your guy friends that you now get to officially see a gal’s photograph and meet her as well.
Being a gal, you take a deep sigh (unless you are as eager as the guy! 😉 ) and you tell your mom to show you the guy’s photograph only if he’s a notch better than Hrithik Roshan or Tom Cruise. You also make it a point to tell her that you’re doing this only for her. But you do go shopping, reasoning that you need to buy something new (dress, accessories, shoes, cell phone! 😛 ) for that occasion when you go meet that prospect of a guy! 😉

The night before the eventual meet, you try to but get no sleep. You’re worried about tomorrow, the day you get to meet your prospective spouse. You’re more worried about it going all wrong. You’re even more worried about it going just right! Your sleep is completely lost when you receive a text message from a friend stating “All the best. Eagerly waiting to ‘like’ that change in your ‘relationship status’ on Facebook tomorrow.”.
That ‘tomorrow’ never dies. This and more, next time! 🙂

PS: Based on what I’m seeing my ‘eligible’ friends experience over the last 3-4 years as well as on a few of my own trial & errors. It’s fun to officially meet a total stranger for an alliance, each-n-every time. It’s even more fun(tastic) if you happen to fall in love with that beautiful/handsome stranger! 😉

Advertisements
 
3 Comments

Posted by on June 14, 2012 in Humor, Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

[Humor]~The Matrimonial Itinerary – 3… ;)

So where were we the last time we talked about this? Right HERE.

Now you are aware that your profile has been created on the matrimonial site(s) and you have no other go but to go with the flow (you feel happy, somewhere deep inside but then you’ll not admit it). So that night after everyone goes to sleep, you go online to check what your parents (or revenge-inspired siblings, as some of you stated in your comments) have put about you in the profile they created. You sit upright to re-read unbelievable stuff written in praise of you. You’ll be amazed about some stuff you get to read, some of which you didn’t know about yourself.
If you are a guy, you’ll be wondering or rather worried about the ‘religious, god-fearing’ personality of yours being portrayed. You’ll silently giggle (with a hiccup) at the ‘non-drinker’ ‘non-smoker’ label tagged to you.
If you are a gal, you’ll be happy to know that you are (still) slim/average and fair! Also you being ‘Traditional’ and ‘great cook’ may put you in repetitive splits of laughter! 😉

You’ll be elated, internally that is, to know from your mom that your profile has had over a 100 views in the first 24 hours and a handful of them have expressed their desire to give you a try. You feel like you are very much in demand, what with 100 odd views on your profile. However in that period of hyped excitement, you won’t realize that 90% of those views would be from onsite stalkers who get into the matrimony site just to watch your photos.

Meanwhile, you’ll have to bear those worthy friends of yours who’ll make your life all colorful with their ‘advices’ and ‘anecdotes’! They would tell you stuff that you’d digest at face-value.
“Since you got a choice to select, say no to any face that’s not better than a GeorgeClooney/KatrinaKaif!”
“Make sure you meet at least a dozen of them, in person. Nothing wrong in safely flirting with a few, before you settle with the right (13th – they don’t say this) one…”

Now that you’ve got the official license to go for the kill, you start digging profiles and find some faces interesting.
If you are a guy and if you set aside about 10 such profiles and send them a message expressing your desire to match with them – 7 of them will automatically reject you by mentioning that they would need a husband who earns a buck, way beyond your wildest imagination. Two more would need you to be what you are not – a vegetarian, a non-vegetarian, a drinker, a non-drinker, a non-smoker, a qualified MBA from an exceptional B-school – and that last remaining gal would already have a boyfriend.
If you are a gal and if you set aside about 10 such profiles and send them a message expressing your desire to match with them – 3 of them would be fake profiles. 3 more would shorter in height or have a beer-belly. 3 of them wouldn’t look like their profile picture and the last remaining guy would already have a boyfriend. Surprised? Don’t be. 😛

Well then…eventually as time lapses, you realize that matchmaking on matrimonial sites is more of snakes, than ladder. The one profile that may head your way will now get blocked by the next major hurdle – the Horoscope. How your own stars stand in the wrong boxes, and hence in your path to marital bliss (??) is something that the best of astrologers havent been able to establish! Yet they are all set to make a match of it, at a fee ofcourse. More on this, next time! 🙂

PS: Based on what I’m seeing my ‘eligible’ friends experience over the last 3-4 years. It’s fun to be a friend of someone eligible, if you have already been through that stage!! 😉

 
2 Comments

Posted by on May 28, 2012 in Humor

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,