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Parody[14]~Code-um Logic-um… ;)

This is a stupid song “Dream-um Wakeup-um” from Rani-MukherjiPrithviraj‘s latest movie “Aiyaaa” and it has now been made even more drastically stupid by engineering it with our IT industry funda…won’t call this the Best Practice though!

Here we go: Lemme know if it fits to the tune!
 
Code-um logic-um not-at-all compiling-um
Bug-um error-um bill full client wakeup-um
 
Case to case-um testing fail-um
Base to top-um fulltu escalation-um
Server-um citrix-um down-um surrender-um
Small-um matter-um (now) big-um blunder-um
Sundaram… Arunachalam…
Kalyan-um…Narayana-um…
Onne rende moone, no…surely all naalavdu bucket-num
 
Start meeting-um finger-a pointing-um
Respect lost trouble vast, gotta escape-num
Excel sheet-um Data corrupt-um
Google search I’m feeling no lucky-um
Shame to shame-um, waste s/w engineer-um
Full-um screw-um Appraisal rating-um…
 
Server-um citrix-um down-um surrender-um
Small-um matter-um (now) big-um blunder-um
Sundaram… Arunachalam…
Kalyan-um…Narayana-um…
Onne rende moone, no…surely naalavdu bucket-num!

Like“?

You can read my old parodies – HERE.

Glossary: Onne – One, Rende – Two, Moone – Three, Naalavdu = Fourth..

 
6 Comments

Posted by on October 27, 2012 in Humor, Parody, poetry

 

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[Humor-Poetry]~Can Sakhu Bai ask Why?

Hello Namaste Vanakkam, yo! I’m back again…
Still hot and beautiful I’m, Aayi Shappat, hand on my brain!
Say you didn’t miss me, without telling a lie…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

Btw, what do these men think?
That if I speak nice, they can pick me with a wink?
Now all I feel is that there is not one decent guy…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

I bought a car, which runs on deejil…
As petrol is costly for a tank fill…
And just now they increased deejil cost by five…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

Life is funny, and to screw it would just be an irony…
I believe in Karma, and so not always safe to meddle with destiny!
When someone smiles, it’s always more than what meets the eye…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

I wondered what scam they could do with a toothpaste…
When all day on television, I got to hear about Co(a)lgate…
When I understood, I realized India Shining was just a lie…
Can Sakhu Bai ask why?

*****************************************************************
Note: The English language is deliberately twisted at a few places in this poem…so my dearest English pundits, please echoos me…this is purely a desi-flavored masala!!

Translations & Twists:
Aayi Shappat = Mother Promise
Deejil = Diesel
Vanakkam = Welcome/Hello

Other Sakhu Bai Poetry: HERE 🙂

 
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Posted by on September 15, 2012 in Humor, I~do~such~things, poetry

 

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[Contest]~Marriage: Who Convinced Whom? :)

“As she crossed the road that noon, it was like she had walked right into my life.”

Arranged marriage or Love marriage? Only a few get to experience both, so that they can compare which one turned out to be better for them. In case of the majority, the grass seems to be greener on the other side.
In either of the cases, the condition or situation is the same….only the dialogues differ.
This is how the spouses would go against each other:
Love marriage: ‘Having known you for like 3 years before marriage, I don’t know how I succumbed into getting married to you?’
Arranged marriage: ‘This is why I always felt that it was dangerous to agree for an arranged marriage.’
The only difference I can feel is that in love marriage, you re-experience something which you wouldn’t have liked earlier but had overlooked…while in arrange marriage, the same thing you’d have assumed to happen (and universe brings together its sources, and makes sure it does happen) happens.
With respect to the pain, I believe it is of the same level, though it’d be of different nature.

And then there can be difference in thoughts:
One who had a Love marriage: “Why didn’t I listen to my parents and settle for a gal/guy of their choice? Why was I stubborn to marry this one?”
One who had an Arranged marriage: “I should have proposed to her/him. What if she/he was someone else’s girlfriend/boyfriend? Why did I agree to marry someone my mother chose?”

The Complication lies in the Art of Convincing!
In case of Love marriage: You got to convince your parents, her/his parents, first circle of relatives (believe me!) on both sides, grandparents (if they are still authoritative), in some cases the long term neighbors (who’d have dreamed of getting their kid – if of the suitable gender – married to you) and even their dog!
In case of Arranged marriage: The whole universe around you tries to unite – come together in a miraculous manner – in order to persuade/convince you to agree to their choice! Even the dog, wags its tail.

If you are thinking about what happened in my particular case:
I was brought up in a jovial environment where arranged marriages were considered to be successful and hence, forever trending! And the love marriages that did happen in the family were between two individuals who belonged to the same caste/sub-caste and speaking the same mother tongue. So it was put down (in no writing) that if I was to have a love marriage, I’d have to find a gal who spoke my mother tongue. It made no sense to me and I played the ball into my mom’s court:
Horoscopes were matched, elders gave in their blessings. Only then was I given her email ID and asked to go figure. Though talking to girls was a casual affair, this was new to me and so I struggled. On getting her phone number we spoke for over 3 weeks at an average of 2 calls of 45 mins each per week. And when I went to meet her for the very first time, she crossed the road from the other side as if she walked right into my life.
It was first time for me in terms of arranged marriage 😉 so I wasnt’t aware of the procedure and hence I told her on the spot that I loved (meeting) her and it was a yes from my end. I consider it to be a Arranged-Love marriage from my end, for I had no clue that as per the protocol, I was supposed to convey my yes/no through my parents to her parents/relatives. She took her own sweet time (which was painful for me, in terms of the waiting period and uncertainty) to agree to my proposal and the rest as they say, is history. 😀

This is my entry to the Indiblogger’s contest – Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage!

Also on Facebook – HERE.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Candid, Happens~2~me, Humor, I~do~such~things

 

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[Humor]~10 reasons why I love to hate my In-laws! ;)

I’m a newly married bride. I had a love marriage, so no matter what, I’ve to say that I love my husband. My MIL is very sweet, so says my husband. When in front of MIL, my FIL demonstrates the world famous characteristic of our Prime Minister – Muteness.
Now coming to the point, 10 reasons why I love to hate my in-laws:
1. They love my husband more than me.
2. They expect me and not my husband to bear them a grandchild.
3. Though I hate to sleep within closed enclosures, they expect me to get beyond my bedroom door and lock it past twilight (you know, to achieve #2). Yes, I need to take my husband with me too.
4. My husband and his parents love to drink innumerable cups of filter coffee, but hate to prepare those themselves. Though I hate to drink that brown liquid, I happen to take (read: get) orders.
5. They consider me just like their own daughter, the one they never had.
6. They see to it that I wear every available accessory to showcase that I’m married to their son, all the time. Also, I got to tag his name behind mine, officially. However, all this isn’t applicable to him.
7. I hate the daily soaps on Television. My MIL loves to watch those and if I don’t sit with her, she makes it a point to update me. Even FIL isn’t spared, for my humor.
8. They give me every opportunity to bit*h about them.
9. I’m an atheist. However, my MIL takes me to every damn temple on every damn street of this city to pray for that one and only one thing (#2).
10. I can’t be open about how I feel about them even on Facebook, for my in-laws are active (more than me) on that freaking social site! 

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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[Humor]~The Matrimonial Itinerary – 4… ;)

So where were we, the last time we talked about this? Right HERE. 😀

It’s been long since your profile has been created on the matrimonial site. You know that, because your 28th birthday is just a few weeks away. There would have been several hits to your profile, provided you have put up a profile picture that is either cute or dashing or both. A meager 18% of those hits would have resulted in some kind of action being taken – one of them being, horoscopes exchanging hands (via email, off late).

If you are a guy, this is a testing time. You are not allowed to see the photograph of the gal, till the horoscopes match, on both sides. You curse the ones who preach about practicing patience!
You: “Mom, can I see her photograph? If I like her, then try to match.”
Mom: “You think you are funny eh? 28 years you have waited no, can’t you wait few more days?”
If you are a gal, you simply go shopping, not giving a damn. 😀

A horoscope is a very tricky entity!! It behaves inversely proportional to your taste, if at all there is a scope. Being a guy, if you have liked a gal (photo or in person or through skype) then take it in writing that 90% of the time the horoscope will stand in your way. The astrologer will tell your mom that only 13/36 houses match and in the rest, the planets refuse to come to terms with each other and that their bilateral talks have failed. You get used to the 3-idiot-terminology: Rahu-Ketu-Shani. You’re crestfallen every time this happens and if you keep a count, you’d know it happens quite often.
However, usually you are told that as per the “tradition” you’d not get to see the gal or her photograph until both your horoscopes have satisfactorily matched. The astrologer plays a very important role here. Knowing you, your parents don’t give out the name & address of the astrologer. They believe in the ‘anything/anyone can be bought for a price’ fundamental. Been there, done that?! 😉

This is a stage where being a girl is the toughest, especially if you don’t like yourself being photographed. Even if you like being photographed, you’d be irritated at the way the photographer instructs you to pose for the MARITAL PICTURE – “keep your palm under your cheek..” “give a lovely smile…” – how can she smile when she’s asked to strike a “thinker’s pose”?!! However artificial they may seem, the studio pictures are considered your finest ever.

You come into the picture whenever there is a match in the horoscopes.
Being a guy, you would wait for that moment and get excited as you can boast with your guy friends that you now get to officially see a gal’s photograph and meet her as well.
Being a gal, you take a deep sigh (unless you are as eager as the guy! 😉 ) and you tell your mom to show you the guy’s photograph only if he’s a notch better than Hrithik Roshan or Tom Cruise. You also make it a point to tell her that you’re doing this only for her. But you do go shopping, reasoning that you need to buy something new (dress, accessories, shoes, cell phone! 😛 ) for that occasion when you go meet that prospect of a guy! 😉

The night before the eventual meet, you try to but get no sleep. You’re worried about tomorrow, the day you get to meet your prospective spouse. You’re more worried about it going all wrong. You’re even more worried about it going just right! Your sleep is completely lost when you receive a text message from a friend stating “All the best. Eagerly waiting to ‘like’ that change in your ‘relationship status’ on Facebook tomorrow.”.
That ‘tomorrow’ never dies. This and more, next time! 🙂

PS: Based on what I’m seeing my ‘eligible’ friends experience over the last 3-4 years as well as on a few of my own trial & errors. It’s fun to officially meet a total stranger for an alliance, each-n-every time. It’s even more fun(tastic) if you happen to fall in love with that beautiful/handsome stranger! 😉

 
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Posted by on June 14, 2012 in Humor, Thoughts

 

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[Humor]~The Matrimonial Itinerary – 3… ;)

So where were we the last time we talked about this? Right HERE.

Now you are aware that your profile has been created on the matrimonial site(s) and you have no other go but to go with the flow (you feel happy, somewhere deep inside but then you’ll not admit it). So that night after everyone goes to sleep, you go online to check what your parents (or revenge-inspired siblings, as some of you stated in your comments) have put about you in the profile they created. You sit upright to re-read unbelievable stuff written in praise of you. You’ll be amazed about some stuff you get to read, some of which you didn’t know about yourself.
If you are a guy, you’ll be wondering or rather worried about the ‘religious, god-fearing’ personality of yours being portrayed. You’ll silently giggle (with a hiccup) at the ‘non-drinker’ ‘non-smoker’ label tagged to you.
If you are a gal, you’ll be happy to know that you are (still) slim/average and fair! Also you being ‘Traditional’ and ‘great cook’ may put you in repetitive splits of laughter! 😉

You’ll be elated, internally that is, to know from your mom that your profile has had over a 100 views in the first 24 hours and a handful of them have expressed their desire to give you a try. You feel like you are very much in demand, what with 100 odd views on your profile. However in that period of hyped excitement, you won’t realize that 90% of those views would be from onsite stalkers who get into the matrimony site just to watch your photos.

Meanwhile, you’ll have to bear those worthy friends of yours who’ll make your life all colorful with their ‘advices’ and ‘anecdotes’! They would tell you stuff that you’d digest at face-value.
“Since you got a choice to select, say no to any face that’s not better than a GeorgeClooney/KatrinaKaif!”
“Make sure you meet at least a dozen of them, in person. Nothing wrong in safely flirting with a few, before you settle with the right (13th – they don’t say this) one…”

Now that you’ve got the official license to go for the kill, you start digging profiles and find some faces interesting.
If you are a guy and if you set aside about 10 such profiles and send them a message expressing your desire to match with them – 7 of them will automatically reject you by mentioning that they would need a husband who earns a buck, way beyond your wildest imagination. Two more would need you to be what you are not – a vegetarian, a non-vegetarian, a drinker, a non-drinker, a non-smoker, a qualified MBA from an exceptional B-school – and that last remaining gal would already have a boyfriend.
If you are a gal and if you set aside about 10 such profiles and send them a message expressing your desire to match with them – 3 of them would be fake profiles. 3 more would shorter in height or have a beer-belly. 3 of them wouldn’t look like their profile picture and the last remaining guy would already have a boyfriend. Surprised? Don’t be. 😛

Well then…eventually as time lapses, you realize that matchmaking on matrimonial sites is more of snakes, than ladder. The one profile that may head your way will now get blocked by the next major hurdle – the Horoscope. How your own stars stand in the wrong boxes, and hence in your path to marital bliss (??) is something that the best of astrologers havent been able to establish! Yet they are all set to make a match of it, at a fee ofcourse. More on this, next time! 🙂

PS: Based on what I’m seeing my ‘eligible’ friends experience over the last 3-4 years. It’s fun to be a friend of someone eligible, if you have already been through that stage!! 😉

 
2 Comments

Posted by on May 28, 2012 in Humor

 

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[Humor]~The Matrimonial Itinerary-2 ;)

So where were we the last time we talked about this? Right HERE.

Well, so you turn 27 which means that it has been two years now, since they’ve been trying to fix you up with your life partner. You’d be lucky, if some profiles would have come your way.
If you are a guy, you’d meet the mom-approved-profile-girls (one at a time, that is) at a coffee shop in the evening or at a restaurant (she’s allowed for lunch only!). You would consider each of these proposal meets as a date and keep a mental count of it. 😉
If you are a girl, you would love to reject a few profiles by finding faults in the guy. You always wanted to find fault in guys, admit it! 😉

If you are a guy, your mom tells you to stay at home to celebrate your 27th birthday with an emotional “Who knows about next time? You could be celebrating it with your spouse! You can celebrate with your friends tomorrow in daytime!” You tell the same to your friends by calling them up and you get labeled as “Mommy’s boy!”
If you are a girl, your mom makes your dad to apply the same logic. You tell the same to your friends by sending them text messages (if there are still a few free msgs left, else missed calls) and you end up labeled as “Daddy’s girl!”

After your birthday cake is cut and neatly eaten, all of you retire to your bedrooms.
Your mom wouldn’t get sound sleep for sure. She’d wake your dad up from his snoring slumber with a “Do you even care? Look at how peacefully you are sleeping, as if everything is alright!!!”
“I’m sorry, I fell asleep at night when normally everyone tends to sleep”
he’d reply sarcastically like a married man does.
“It’s ok. Now listen to me!” she would make her move, either not sensing sarcasm or simply choosing to ignore it.
“Do you know your son/daughter turned 27 yrs old today?” she’d ask a vague invalid question (as per your dad).
He’d interrupt as usual like men do with a “Don’t I know what I did 28 yrs ago? I’m still paying for it!” like a cool cheeky guy.
“You and your jokes…Ha Ha…happy? Now listen to me, seriously!” she’d sit up.
“Ok I’m all ears…what is it?” he would come to his marital senses, in the hope of not having to eat the next morning’s breakfast outside.
“Good, go get your laptop. You need to post the Matrimonial profile right now!!” she’d say switching the bedroom lights on.
“Can’t we do it first thing in the morning?” he’d definitely try to win a lost battle, for that one last time, but then seeing her anger-laced-eyes pop out, he’d quickly get up and boot his laptop.

You get up in the morning, thinking it’s a new day in this new year of yours and wonder what’s special for breakfast. And when you see your mom smiling big time at you as you approach the dining table, you don’t tend to sense anything spooky! That’s when life treats you to a freaking surprise! 😀
You’d get the biggest gift for your birthday, a very much unexpected one…a shocker, so to say.
She proudly tells you about your newly created Matrimonial profile stressing on the fact that it was dad who actually created it. Such a safe ploy, since he isn’t around, in case you decide to blast like a bomb! You end up not even realizing what you are having at breakfast.

When you meet your friends, they’d enquire about the party at home the previous night. You’d brush it with an “It was just a quiet family get together. We just cut the cake and ate it at midnight. My parents gifted me new watch, maybe to remind me of the times ahead.”
“Why what happened? Why are you talking like a failed poet?”
one of them would sense the look on your face and ask you this question.
Intuitively or not, you’d tell them about how your life changed overnight, that you now have one more online profile along with the FACEBOOK, LINKEDIN and ZURKER ones you proudly possess. You’d be so secretive that they’d probe you further with a “What?! Tell us exactly what happened!!!” sporting a concerned look on their faces.
Finally you succumb, letting them know that you are now proudly on display for receiving matrimonial alliances on one of the prime matrimonial sites. You see the expression change on their faces, a few of them holding on to their mouths to suppress laughter while the shameless rest Laugh Out Loud as they sway in random directions.
“The fun has begun, we’ll see that you are taken (in) the right way” they declare in unison.

All you do is stand in the corner smiling sheepishly…not knowing exactly, what you have to do.
More on this, next time. 😀

PS: Based on what I’m seeing my ‘eligible’ friends experience over the last 3 years. It’s fun to be a friend of someone who has a matrimonial profile, especially if you don’t have one! 😉

 

 
4 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2012 in Humor

 

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