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Art of Saying NO!

A lot many of us have this inability in us to deal with the word of negativity – NO.
We find it very difficult to SAY NO…and at least an equal number of us find it hard to take a NO!
There are even cases where when one says a No, it’s been ridiculed,  understood otherwise or considered to be completely offensive.

From our younger days, it has been instilled in us that saying something in the negative is rude. And this has been passed on, generation after generation.

Instance1: Before Birth
You had no choice to choose your family. So no option to “Accept”/”Decline” your prospective family.

Instance2: After Birth
You hate curd rice , for the curd being bitter or just for the simple reason that you don’t like it. But no, your mom/grandma make sure that you are force fed. You yell NOooooo in your cries, but they don’t happen to understand your lingo! However, they tell you how nutritious & good it is for your day-2-day growth – as if or assuming you understand!

Instance3: You are now attending a Boys-Only School
It’s lunch time. Mom has packed one of your favorites – Cheesy Pasta. Your best friend – who by the way, has brought curd rice in his lunch box – asks you for his share as Pasta happens to be his favorite too.
You want to say No, yet you can’t say or rather you don’t know how to say No. He waits no longer, grabs your lunch box and grabs half the content. You are heartbroken.
He offers you half his curd rice. You either accept & eat it reluctantly because you are hungry or choose to stay hungry & throw it out later on your way back home – but you don’t say no (What if he says “You are no  longer my best friend”?, What if he says “God/Mother promise, I will never talk to you or let you play with my cricket bat!”?, etc).

Instance4: You move into a Co-ed College
Except for your grandma, mom, aunts, sister & teachers in school, you have never spoken to the opposite gender in your life so far. And then your best friend dares you to go ask a girl, her name. You don’t decline as you have no choice but to go ahead with the dare, for otherwise you fear that you could get “branded”. What happens next, makes you hate the fairer sex, for being so insensitive/rude. You had after all just asked her name. Your pink left cheek, trends as it gets itself added to the eternal folklore of the college corridor gossips!

Instance5: You find yourself in an Engineering College
Medicine was your career choice, but grandma wanted an engineer in the family. “If you fall sick, I can suggest you the medication…but I cannot repair the radio!” was her way of convincing the generations that followed hers.
Because you cannot disappoint your grandma nor go against her wishes, you take admission into any college that has vacant seat in its last benches.
You flirt with all those gals that come your way during the four years, as you think you’d have grandma’s blessings for the same. You propose to a few, who say NO to you. But then since you do not believe in  “Rejection”, you still end up going behind them expecting a positive nod from their end. You even seek blessings from your grandma, to go about your (unknowingly sinister) desire!

Instance6: And then you get into being a Professional
You get those meeting requests. How many of you think twice when you have to click on “Decline”? How many of you end up clicking on “Accept”? How many of you go 50-50, as you opt for “Tentative”? (In the initial days, I’ve myself been guilty of clicking “tentative” and not attending the meeting instead of plainly declining it in the first place! Over time, I’ve learnt that it’s not rude to click on “Decline”, for if it was then it wouldn’t have be one among the options! 😉 )
You get a mail from your supervisor, about having to attend a “mandatory” training on his/her behalf. You wonder who is it mandatory for? You wonder if there is a way to say NO!?
You get copied (Cc-ed) in a mail by your business-analyst informing all the executive-designates that you would be representing on his behalf in the client call! You are not even aware of who the customer is. You have not even been intimated. You start to perspire, for now you have to say NO (but don’t know how to either) which would go into the inboxes of a lot many senior individuals.

Instance7: You happily get married & dance at your wedding too.
Once the regular life starts, you wonder – why you commit a lot of mistakes, why you end up on the wrong feet, why you are always held responsible for something that goes wrong – till that very moment where you Stop Saying a NO!

Instance8: And when you get kids
You fear that a “No” from your end, could make your kid compare you with the parents of his/her friends. What if you are not On-par? What if you…

Teach your kids, to say “No” to something they do not believe in…
Teach your kids, to respect someone who says a “No” to them…
Teach your kids, that their life (and of others) will be much better if they KNOW the proper usage of NO!

Know the NO! 😀

Post dedicated to Jyoti Singh Pandey!

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10 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Candid, Humor, Thoughts

 

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[Social Mess-up]~When Emotions become Reactions…

Emotions are known to be something that we humans have aplenty in abundance. We emote at anything and in any situation. Emotions could be varied – good, bad, happy, sad and so on. But there is a vast difference when one shows off his/her emotions in person and when online.
Emotions displayed online, are mostly reactions is what I feel. Let me take two similar cases of such reactions on FaceBook (FB).

#1 Picture this one sad tale:
As usual, I was logged into FB on that Thursday night. A friend who had got married over a year ago, but had not shared his wedding photos on FB, had finally relented to the umpteen requests by his friends by posting about 2-3 photos of the memorable occasion.

Legend has it that, if something is not already on FB, it has never happened.

Anyway…one particular photo of the newly married couple sitting on stage, was trending, with friends ‘like’ing and posting wishes in the comment section. Now knowing him in person, I was aware that it was an old photograph. Yet, I followed others in wishing him….a mere reaction! He replied to all our comments, till about 9:30 pm that night.

Friday:
I do not get to log into FB during the day time on weekdays, but I do get notifications on email/cellphone. One notification mail on that particular wedding photo read “How could this happen to you, you being such a sweet person?!”
I was kind of surprised as to why would someone say something like that on a wedding picture.

On reaching home, I first logged in to FB via that notification link to check why such a comment was made in such a happy picture. And that is when I got to know!
Unfortunately, it so happened that that very night this friend of mine had succumbed to a blockage in his heart artery (he was diagnosed & being treated for acidity, I’m told)! 😦

But then the downfalls of a social network is such that, the picture you post in an album in your profile appears on the wall of your friends! And in this case, his wedding photograph continued to get wishes…some of which were very heart wrenching like “you both look lovely…may you have many more years of happiness” and others alike.

Again a case of mere reactions!! Hmm..

#2 Two weeks ago:
On a Monday morning, my cousin’s Labrador ‘Buddy’ died.
Four years ago, when I had just joined FB I had posted a picture of Buddy & me….which had received about 2 likes and 4 comments till then.
That Monday evening, I expressed my condolences on that picture tagging my cousin. He himself had not seen that 4 yr old picture till that moment! 😛

Now for the reaction part:
Since I had dug and commented on an old picture, it was now on the walls of my FB friends.
Since they had never seen two animals in one frame they were excited which were reflected by the 25+ “likes” I got within an hour. 😉 Reaction #1.
A few of them who knew about the death put in their condolences in form of words or sad-smileys (oxymoron?) while the unaware rest discussed about how good the two look together! Reaction #2.
And then when they got to know about the actual, then they conveyed their condolences. Reaction #3.

By nature, we love to ‘follow’…don’t we?! 😀

 
6 Comments

Posted by on October 17, 2012 in Thoughts

 

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[Contest]~Marriage: Who Convinced Whom? :)

“As she crossed the road that noon, it was like she had walked right into my life.”

Arranged marriage or Love marriage? Only a few get to experience both, so that they can compare which one turned out to be better for them. In case of the majority, the grass seems to be greener on the other side.
In either of the cases, the condition or situation is the same….only the dialogues differ.
This is how the spouses would go against each other:
Love marriage: ‘Having known you for like 3 years before marriage, I don’t know how I succumbed into getting married to you?’
Arranged marriage: ‘This is why I always felt that it was dangerous to agree for an arranged marriage.’
The only difference I can feel is that in love marriage, you re-experience something which you wouldn’t have liked earlier but had overlooked…while in arrange marriage, the same thing you’d have assumed to happen (and universe brings together its sources, and makes sure it does happen) happens.
With respect to the pain, I believe it is of the same level, though it’d be of different nature.

And then there can be difference in thoughts:
One who had a Love marriage: “Why didn’t I listen to my parents and settle for a gal/guy of their choice? Why was I stubborn to marry this one?”
One who had an Arranged marriage: “I should have proposed to her/him. What if she/he was someone else’s girlfriend/boyfriend? Why did I agree to marry someone my mother chose?”

The Complication lies in the Art of Convincing!
In case of Love marriage: You got to convince your parents, her/his parents, first circle of relatives (believe me!) on both sides, grandparents (if they are still authoritative), in some cases the long term neighbors (who’d have dreamed of getting their kid – if of the suitable gender – married to you) and even their dog!
In case of Arranged marriage: The whole universe around you tries to unite – come together in a miraculous manner – in order to persuade/convince you to agree to their choice! Even the dog, wags its tail.

If you are thinking about what happened in my particular case:
I was brought up in a jovial environment where arranged marriages were considered to be successful and hence, forever trending! And the love marriages that did happen in the family were between two individuals who belonged to the same caste/sub-caste and speaking the same mother tongue. So it was put down (in no writing) that if I was to have a love marriage, I’d have to find a gal who spoke my mother tongue. It made no sense to me and I played the ball into my mom’s court:
Horoscopes were matched, elders gave in their blessings. Only then was I given her email ID and asked to go figure. Though talking to girls was a casual affair, this was new to me and so I struggled. On getting her phone number we spoke for over 3 weeks at an average of 2 calls of 45 mins each per week. And when I went to meet her for the very first time, she crossed the road from the other side as if she walked right into my life.
It was first time for me in terms of arranged marriage 😉 so I wasnt’t aware of the procedure and hence I told her on the spot that I loved (meeting) her and it was a yes from my end. I consider it to be a Arranged-Love marriage from my end, for I had no clue that as per the protocol, I was supposed to convey my yes/no through my parents to her parents/relatives. She took her own sweet time (which was painful for me, in terms of the waiting period and uncertainty) to agree to my proposal and the rest as they say, is history. 😀

This is my entry to the Indiblogger’s contest – Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage!

Also on Facebook – HERE.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on August 30, 2012 in Candid, Happens~2~me, Humor, I~do~such~things

 

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Of that Choice You Should Make! :)

It was just another Friday and I was so relieved to get back home at the end of the day. Riding my two wheeler, I had just crossed the Pallikarnai marshes that I saw a man wave a white flag thereby indicating the vehicles to move over to the newly laid road from the road we were currently on. I remember riding at the 30-40km/hr speed when I moved over to the new road and then things blanked out….The time was around 6:30pm.
Of what I remember over the next one hour is this:
I was being repeatedly asked to get on the pillion seat of a stranger’s bike, by another stranger.
I finally did that, all by myself, exactly what the stranger was requesting and sat pillion on a bike – not knowing, not asking, not bothering where I was heading to.
I remember getting down from the bike, before I blanked out again.

When I re-gained my senses next, I was on the hospital bed with the nurse asking me my name to fill out a form, mandatory for receiving further treatment. Not being able to recollect, I requested her to give me some time and she agreed.
Meanwhile, First Aid treatment was being administered by a junior doctor by the bedside. The stranger (kudos to him, for doing all that he did!) was standing beside me looking at me blankly, maybe just reflecting my expression. There were stitches being sewn on the little finger of my right hand and the other cuts on the same hand were being wrapped with antiseptics and bandages by two doctors simultaneously.
The stranger offered his cell phone so that I could call up my family and inform. I called up my mom & wife (she was out of Chennai) and though I could get to hear their phone ring, strangely none picked up my calls. After he paid my bills, I was dropped by him (again pillion ride) to my home by 8:00pm.

Only after reaching home did I come to my actual senses. I got myself introduced to the stranger as well as asked about him (and his bank details to transfer all the moolah he had spent on my treatment and medications!).
Since my cell phone was damaged during the fall, I moved the sim card to the spare cell phone at home. And then again, I tried calling up my mom/wife to inform about the incident. This time both picked the call and were at their advising best! 😀 They hadn’t received the previous call from the hospital – and I believe I had earlier dialed wrong numbers (of the two numbers, I remember)!! I left for Bangalore that night, for 3 weeks of bed rest for the X-rays revealed hairline fractures in 4 of my ribs!

Looking back, as to how I managed to not hurt myself elsewhere I decided to go take a look at my HELMET. There was a huge crack at the jaw line and skull area.
So in short, I wouldn’t have been writing this post and the posts I published since March this year, if not for the HELMET I CHOSE TO WEAR! #truestory

Life is short, just 100 odd years….Life span is shorter, just about 60-80 years….how much you want to live, is your choice.
Life always gives you two options, for every situation. The result of it, depends on what you choose!
So when you drive: Choose to wear a HELMET (with the buckle on) when you ride a two-wheeler and Choose to wear that BELT (buckled again…not hand held) when you drive a four-wheeler. Not the other option!

Drive safe and choose to live on,  for one another ride/drive! 🙂

PS: I’m much better now, though I’ve not yet started riding that two-wheeler again!! Soon… 🙂

 
7 Comments

Posted by on July 29, 2012 in Candid, Happens~2~me, I~do~such~things, Thoughts

 

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[MEME]~ABCs of my LIFE!! :)

Meme’s have always been a creative way to get things out of people which otherwise would never be shared! And that’s just what happened with this one. I wouldn’t have shared some of these but for this meme. You don’t feel like uttering lies in such tags, for meme’s are like genes…so wouldn’t want the bluffs to get genetic you see!! 😉

Megs tagged me on this meme called the ABCs of Life – HERE – and I’m keeping my end of the tag! 🙂

Here I go:

A – Age: is on my side!
B – Books: just done with ‘Mafia Queens of Mumbai’!
C – Current crush: was, is and will always be Madhuri Dixit!!!
D – Dance form: fav is Shakira’s belly wobbling! 😉
E – Essential start your day item: 3 glasses of water (room temp)!
F – Favorite color: black, red, orange, pink – in that order!
G – Gold or Silver: Gold
H – Height: 5’11”
I – I am: what I can be!
J – Job: A coder, but mostly bugs!
K – Kids: I’m no Michael! but yes, love them!
L – Latest Addiction: Weeds – its a television series! 😉
M – Memorable Moment: The first promotion in mid 2008, as it came in at the right time. The market went into recession after that for 2 long years. The recent memorable moment would be my marriage!
N – Nicknames: Shimmu, Sree, S3, Duffer!
O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Nah!
P – Pet Peeve: People who remember you only when they need to get their chores done!
Q – Quote from a movie: “Hum ek paiyr past aur doosra future mein rakh-ke present pe mooth-te hain” – from Rang De Basanti
R – Right or left handed: Right!
T – Time you wake up: 6.25am
U – Ugliness meter: No one is perfect!
V – Vegetable you dislike: None!
W – Ways you run late: when someone has to tag along, flat tyres!
X – X-rays you’ve had: Latest one is of the right lower molar tooth – had to go for a root canal treatment, finally!
Y – Yummy food you make: I try out anything/everything – wife rates it ok, good and yummy – mostly yummy, so far!!
Z – Zzzzz times – between 11pm and 1am!

Passing on the baton, I would like to tag – Tiku, Anu and Sound – Yeah, it feels like am running a 4*100 relay! 😉

 
7 Comments

Posted by on October 9, 2011 in About me, Thoughts

 

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The Psychotic Wagon: Sharing the Flaws! ;)

This was a post I wrote my internal blogospherre where it is currently running as a MEME where we are supposed to talk about the OCDs we all carry around with us (naturally) ever since we landed to scare the hell out of this land of sanity! 😀

Ok, so to start with – What is an OCD? (*let me go…copy paste the definition from Raji’s post* 😛 )

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions) – (wiki)

Sounds scary? Then you would be afraid of me and yourself too! 😛
Yes, we all got some crazy genes which act weird all the while. Let’s see what I’ve got:

1. Dusted Anger: I’m not a cleanliness freak/fanatic. But then, while at home I get all fired up if I get to see dust/mud/strands-of-hair/paper/et-al lying around on the floor that I start losing my sense and blabber. This blabbering has increased post marriage but then I get a deaf-ear most of the times (Su is equally or actually more tolerant to dust/mud/et-al 😛 )…so now you can find me blabbering on my way to find a broom/duster/wipe-cloth. I’m back to normal (???) once the place is devoid of all the supposed grime.

2. Ghost Editor: Any book I happen to read, I start to search for typos and grammatical errors. I may not be the best person eligible to do that job, but then nevertheless I happen to do that. Strangely it doesn’t happen when I read articles online (blogs, news websites, et al)! And if I happen to find typos or errors, I get this urge to mail those book authors about the careless typos or the stupid grammatical errors they have left behind for normal (???) readers like me to digest. But then, so far I’ve managed to suppress that urge! 😛
Btw, I’ve found 2 grammatical errors in “Immortals of Meluha” by Amish and lots of them in the current ‘Indian Author’ crap – How I got my girl back?! by Arshat Chaudary – that I’m reading!

3. Take a bite: When I drink a fruit juice, I need to replace the straws at regular intervals. This is mainly due to the fact that I happen to bite more on n suck less from them! If I sit for 10 mins with a fruit juice, the straw tends to lose its sole purpose of existence thanks to my biting. Anyway, I’ve found a normal (???) solution to it…two actually…one, I either finish off the juice in real quick time or two, I don’t use a straw at all.

Let me not embarrass myself more by sharing all of my “flaws” 😛 but then I was thinking, how it would have been if say for instance I had the below OCDs:

1. Every time I see a beautiful lady – I go to her, take her right hand in mine, look into her eyes and say “You know that you are beautiful, don’t you?”. I wouldn’t mind getting a beat or a blush, cos I’m not willingly doing it. I have OCD! 😛
2. Every time I go to my boss’s chamber and tell him/her to check the latest mail I have sent him/her. The mail would be tagged with ‘High Importance’ and the subject line would read “Your Assignment for Today”! The expression on boss’s face would be priceless, but I wouldn’t be happy or thrilled cos I’m not willingly doing it. I have OCD! 😛

Let me not embarrass myself by sharing all of my “flawed fantasies”!! 😛

 
6 Comments

Posted by on August 19, 2011 in Happens~2~me, I~do~such~things, Thoughts

 

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[How not to]~Smile at your wedding!! ;)

There are certain places where and events when we got to put in that extra effort in whatever we ought to do. For instance, smiling at a wedding…especially when it’s your own wedding! 😛

Smiling, they say is infectious. When you smile, do so wholeheartedly!

To all those who are unmarried as yet, here’s a piece of advice from the author’s very own experience:
When you stand on the stage posing for the innumerous photographs being clicked by those fancy flashing instruments, that’s the very moment you need to gain composure, maintain focus and smile…neat and nice!

Note to the bridegroom: You need to smile at your very best dude…as once you get down that stage that day, it’s your new wife who does all the smiling! 😉

Note to the bride: Incase your new hubby is not smiling on stage, read and remind the above note to him. :mrgreen:

Now why do we end up giving weird expressions, when all that we are expected to do is give a lovely smile, however fake that it is?!!! Well, there could be reasons like:
a) we are tired of smiling continously.
b) we are bored of it.
c) ok we accept that we are plain and simply lazy.

Or there could be actual reasons like:
i) we don’t know the people who are standing next to us in the group photograph.
ii) we need to save energy for certain activities later 😉
iii) our jaws are paining.

Anyway, when you are on stage…
1) Do not, I repeat DO NOT smile with your eyes closed. You won’t know how much your friends could pull you on seeing that picture at a later stage.

2) Do not smile with your mouth open…it’s technically not smiling at all.

3) Do not smile clenching your teeth…might expose your animal instincts!! 😉

4) Do not smile so weird that it seems you’ve already given up. In short, don’t smile like a loser!

5) Agreed that it’s your big day and that you might be looking stunning, but don’t look stunned. 😀

But then at the end of the day, as I said in the note to the bridegroom above: Only one smiles/laughs at the end of it all. 😛

Anyway…I know that, how much ever we prepare for the big day…we always end up with at least one weird picture of ours on stage, which we would want to change till our very last breath!! 😉 Some things are always out of our control!! 😀

 
10 Comments

Posted by on June 22, 2011 in Happens~2~me, I~do~such~things

 

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