“As she crossed the road that noon, it was like she had walked right into my life.”
Arranged marriage or Love marriage? Only a few get to experience both, so that they can compare which one turned out to be better for them. In case of the majority, the grass seems to be greener on the other side.
In either of the cases, the condition or situation is the same….only the dialogues differ.
This is how the spouses would go against each other:
Love marriage: ‘Having known you for like 3 years before marriage, I don’t know how I succumbed into getting married to you?’
Arranged marriage: ‘This is why I always felt that it was dangerous to agree for an arranged marriage.’
The only difference I can feel is that in love marriage, you re-experience something which you wouldn’t have liked earlier but had overlooked…while in arrange marriage, the same thing you’d have assumed to happen (and universe brings together its sources, and makes sure it does happen) happens.
With respect to the pain, I believe it is of the same level, though it’d be of different nature.
And then there can be difference in thoughts:
One who had a Love marriage: “Why didn’t I listen to my parents and settle for a gal/guy of their choice? Why was I stubborn to marry this one?”
One who had an Arranged marriage: “I should have proposed to her/him. What if she/he was someone else’s girlfriend/boyfriend? Why did I agree to marry someone my mother chose?”
The Complication lies in the Art of Convincing!
In case of Love marriage: You got to convince your parents, her/his parents, first circle of relatives (believe me!) on both sides, grandparents (if they are still authoritative), in some cases the long term neighbors (who’d have dreamed of getting their kid – if of the suitable gender – married to you) and even their dog!
In case of Arranged marriage: The whole universe around you tries to unite – come together in a miraculous manner – in order to persuade/convince you to agree to their choice! Even the dog, wags its tail.
If you are thinking about what happened in my particular case:
I was brought up in a jovial environment where arranged marriages were considered to be successful and hence, forever trending! And the love marriages that did happen in the family were between two individuals who belonged to the same caste/sub-caste and speaking the same mother tongue. So it was put down (in no writing) that if I was to have a love marriage, I’d have to find a gal who spoke my mother tongue. It made no sense to me and I played the ball into my mom’s court:
Horoscopes were matched, elders gave in their blessings. Only then was I given her email ID and asked to go figure. Though talking to girls was a casual affair, this was new to me and so I struggled. On getting her phone number we spoke for over 3 weeks at an average of 2 calls of 45 mins each per week. And when I went to meet her for the very first time, she crossed the road from the other side as if she walked right into my life.
It was first time for me in terms of arranged marriage 😉 so I wasnt’t aware of the procedure and hence I told her on the spot that I loved (meeting) her and it was a yes from my end. I consider it to be a Arranged-Love marriage from my end, for I had no clue that as per the protocol, I was supposed to convey my yes/no through my parents to her parents/relatives. She took her own sweet time (which was painful for me, in terms of the waiting period and uncertainty) to agree to my proposal and the rest as they say, is history. 😀
This is my entry to the Indiblogger’s contest – Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage!
Also on Facebook – HERE.