RSS

Tag Archives: politics

[Karuna-ndid]~A stolen page from the Diary of Grandpa in sunglasses! ;)

Dear Diary,

I always write to you in English, because this is the only place where I can show-off my hold on the queen’s language. As you know, I talk and promote only the mother-tongue of most of my voters. But the fact is that I love English as much as I love my mother-tongue but then let it be our very own little secret. You and I, it’s a wonderful world! I love that jingle where the pug follows you. It makes me feel younger than my actual 87, makes me want to jump out of this cosy pushback enabled wheelchair!

But both the ladies at home prefer the other network due to the various freebies it provides like free Closed User Group (CUG) calls, free local messaging and free one hour of browsing per day. These mobile advertisements, I must confess are pure genius acts. I’ve been in politics for more years than I can remember but then I didn’t get such Ideas all this long.

A few years back, while having dinner with my extended family, we happened to discuss the variety of tariff plans offered by the various service providers in our state and that was when I had my EUREKA moment! “What makes us select a particular mobile service provider?” I asked my family of err…so many members. And surprisingly, for the first and well the only time in my life they shouted out in unison “FREEBIES”!!! And this is the very moment that I got to know the way forward in our field of politics; just like how cloud computing they say is the next big thing in the IT field. This is why I love the two sectors, Television and Telecom!

We experimented with this new approach during the last elections, giving away color televisions and free rice to our voters! It gave me the CM chair for 5 long years. Yippeee! :)))))
“Where will the money come from?” Khaja had asked me. I had winked at him and he had smiled. That is when I first realized that he was my man, fit enough to dig into the untapped funds of my favorite Telecom sector. A visionary behind the dark goggles, am I not? Ha ha…

Five years back, I had announced that I would be a chief ministerial candidate for the last time but then sitting back and strolling on this Persian-cushioned wheel chair, I feel stronger than never before. When I cannot give the CM candidature to the one I want, I’ll give it to none and continue with it. They’ll anyways fight after my time. I’ve more important things to fight against for now. Firstly, I’ve to physically (ha ha, what the…) win at my new election constituency and then mentally with Ms. Amma. Election time or not, she’s always on my mind! 😉

Ms. Amma is not as simple as she may look. There’s a lot more in her armory (Ahem). But then I feel sad to see her copy my ‘Eureka moments’. This time she’s using my method and is doing much better than what I’ve proposed to do. Along with the Televisions, Laptops and Grinders, she’s provided Electric Fans to the ladies. Master stroke I would say…a strategic move that only a lady can think of. I’ve two of my own at home, but…huh…leave it.

Let’s see how it goes. If the people vote in her favor, I’ll retire handing over the ruins to anyone who takes and write movie scripts. With so many scams on, I got a lot of storylines you see. Anyways, I’m sleepy now!

Hoping to get up tomorrow,
Goodnight!

PS: I’m very disappointed with the PM for not inviting me to the India-Pakistan semifinal match. I need to learn ‘sleeping with the enemy’ from him! Huh…

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone dead or alive, is sheer co-incidence. If you find it offensive, I didn’t write it! 😀

 
4 Comments

Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Imaginative Bakwaas, I~do~such~things

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

[Bakwaas]~ Two Overseas Calls! ;)

Last week, I was working late past midnight and I got 2 unexpected overseas calls. 🙄

First call was from Ms. Momta Banner-ji (MB)…if you don’t know who she is, consider yourself blessed. If you do know her, well thank you cos then I need not tell you who she is…you save me the trouble of explaining what crap actually is. 😀

Me: Hello…
MB: Hallu….
Me: Hello….who is this?
MB: Momto Banner-ji isspeaking from right here…
Me: Who? right here where?
MB: No who…Momto…Momto Banner-ji isspeaking…from South of Africa-ji…
Me: Oh Momta…hello Momta…how are you? What are you doing in South Africa when Elections are going on in India??
MB: Bad sir-ji bad….I came here to cheer Kolkota kirket team sir-ji…
Me: What?!! Why did you go there…at this time?
MB: Now what to tell you sir-ji…it was not a good idea sir-ji!
Me: But why did you go there? 
MB: I was selected by Sah Rukh Kaan and our Dada as a Night-rider Cheerleader…I khelbo and jeetbo their cheerleader contest by record breaking botes sir-ji.
Me: Then what happened? Did you break your leg?
MB: No ji no…I was not yellawed to cheer for the Kolkota kirket team…No Hindustani can cheer in South of Africa sir-ji…
Me: Err…so you were campaigning for the cheerleader contest and not the general elections?
MB: More money in Eye-Pee-Yell sir-ji….and all safed (white)…
Me: Hmmm…but can you dance?
MB: I have made many of them dance…so you know, I got full-to experienced sir-ji…
Me: Ah…ok…so now what do you want from me?
MB: Sir-ji…write about the injustice done to me sir-ji…atleast let me get some sympathy botes from there to win the Elections this time…
Me: Err…ok…

And so I end up writing this conversation between us….pleash do bote for her…!! 😀

sree_on_call

Just as I was about to sleep…I got another call from an unknown number…

Me: Hello…
XX: Hello sir-ji..
Me: Who is this?
XX: Chopra…Aakash Chopra (AC) sir-ji…and I have Sanjay Bangar (SB) with me…we are on loud speaker…
Me: Oye…bond ki aulad…how loud? And why both of you calling me?
AC: Err…cost cutting sir-ji…so same call….we are being sent back to India by team management sir-ji…
Me: Hmm…heard it on the evening news…
AC&SB: Tell us what to do now sir-ji…
Me: Eh…didn’t you offer to join the cheerleaders?
SB: I did sir-ji…they were impressed by my moves and shakes sir-ji but then they said only local cheerleaders allowed up the stage…
Me: Hmm….come to India and take part in some reality dance show or join Momta Banner-ji…she can make you dance very well…I can recommend you to her.
SB: Eh…thank you sir-ji…that’s the best and only option I guesss now…I’ll cheer for her and hold the Banner up too…
Me: Err…whatever…
AC: But I cannot dance na sir-ji…?? 😦
Me: Well…why don’t you join A-run Lol and Sameer blah-blah on X-tra Innings? You morons can all sit together and jolly-chat about Cheerleaders, MANdira and well, sometimes please do talk about Cricket too.
AC: Huh…well…yes yes…sure…what an idea, sir-ji! Thank you sir-ji…

So now you know why you get to see Mr. Chopra doing some serious bheja fry on X-tra Innings…he only keeps quiet when MANdira comes on screen because…err…more on that later! 😛
And Mr. Bangar is lying low key…cos the latest gossip is that no Bandars (monkeys) and Bangars are allowed to cheer in any format of money games here. Yes this happens…only in India. 😀

 
9 Comments

Posted by on May 7, 2009 in Happens~2~me

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

[Bakwaas]~ Middle Finger Megashow!!! :)

mfm Click on pic to enlarge!

Checkout the pic… These celebrities are showing that they exercised their votes to elect another bunch of jokers who will tickle us above while screwing us down there for the next five years (if they last that long, that is)!!

This pic, courtesy Bangalore Mirror (May 1st edition)  – shows Aamir, SRK and Sonam showing that they voted in a strategic manner…while the rest of our “idols” in Aishwarya, Amitabh, John and Vidya show us how our future is actually gonna be!!
Of all, I loved Vidya’s smile and confidence! 😉

yedi

The chief minister of Karnataka…took it on the wrong hand (or was this pic, a mirror image??? – cos its on Bangalore Mirror you see!! :P)…

As per the law it is a clear violation…
The law elucidates that the indelible ink mark should be put on the left-hand index finger . If that finger is not there then the ink will be put on left-hand middle finger. If both the fingers have a problem then the mark will be put on the left-hand elbow. Further, if that has a problem then the mark will be put on the shoulder of the left-hand .

Whatever it is….We now know what the future has in store for us!!! 😀

 
17 Comments

Posted by on May 1, 2009 in Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Bottom’s up!! :)

I have all the 24 hours of the day, but so little time. And thats the very reason, I have been out not posting much here nor visiting your respective blogs…echoos me especially for the latter! 🙂

dsc04800

Life is running fast, am getting older with every sunset…! I am not phobic of old age, maybe cos I love sunsets and they happen to be so beautiful. My birthday is fast approaching too, and rumors around the household hint me that this could be my last birthday…err…am not done…wait for it…well just that, it could be my last as a bachelor. ( 😀 or 😦 …I am confused! ;))!
Now thats exactly what makes me think about life running fast, the approaching sunset and all that! 🙂
One thing which I enjoyed doing when someone was about to get fixed was to tease him or her about their would-be spouses. Someone said correctly that life is a circle, what goes round comes around. Now its my turn to be the victim of such an embarassment! Nevertheless, there seems to be no escape route.
I fear the time in May when my aunt from Mumbai would join her twin and along with my mom and granny in Bangalore rip me apart with their questions…she’s now active over the phone from Mumbai! 😉
1) What kind of a gal would you like to marry?
2) Does she have to be fair?
3) She should be lean or plump one would do?
4) Whats the minimum height you would expect?
5) Working woman or housewife?
6) What if she fights with your mom? whom will you support? (Me thinking: *$%^&&%$&*)
7) Post marriage, will you stay with parents or separate? (Since last 10 yrs I’ve been staying away from parents…so invalid!)
and so on…

If I had prior experience in all this, I would have answered all questions…but what to do, am a fresher in this aspect! 😉

About Politics in India…well I will call it Poli-tricks instead! Elections are fast approaching…so lemme talk about some famous ones who have done nothing so far politically when it comes to the actual development of the country!

1) Mr. Sanjay Dutt – If he really had the motive about joining politics, he should have planned well. He had 4-5 years to clear all the cases against his name. If you ask my opinion (why would you?), he never thought about joining politics in the first place. A man well known for Bacardi/Smirnoff parties, what would make him join a political party and Samajwadi Party of all parties?
He is someone who was never in control of his own life…AK-47 is an assault weapon which he was caught possessing, something which is not used for self defence as per what he had stated. Having gone into depression when he lost his mom Nargis, he has never got that control back. He’s been more of a follower than a leader…with his third wife Manyata now holding the remote control (read: finance)!!
Now with all this and much more, can we trust him a seat in the Parliament? He should stick to his acting, and not lose everything including his own family in the name of politics.
2) Mr. Md. Azharuddin – Our most successful cricket captain of the 90s, too was not in the scene till about 4-5 months ago..!! Its common knowledge that in search of muslim votes, he was pumped up and lifted onto cloud #9 by the Congress! Lets see if he scores or returns to the pavilion!!
3) Ms. Amisha Patel – The moment I heard that she was contesting, I was waiting for her to declare her “assests”. The number of votes she gets would be proportional to the number of perverts who have voted in that constituency! :mrgreen:
4) Mr. Varun Gandhi – He’s the ” Other Gandhi” who is currently the most loved by the Shiv-Sainiks for his anti-Islamic speeches! For someone who has a post graduation degree from the UK, he should be banished to the non-existing islands of Abekhaalegoogoo!! 😀

So………..
Shall I marry or join politics??? In both cases, my bottom’s gonna be up, just like how you see me in the pic!! 😛

 
9 Comments

Posted by on April 12, 2009 in Happens~2~me, Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,