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Independent Rants!! Echooos me!! ;)

2008, 14th August, 10:45pm IST: I somewhat do have a mixed feeling as of now…as I sit this late waiting for India to turn 61, I understand the fact that I am not Chacha Nehru, to  make a speech at the stroke of midnight when the whole of world is sleeping…as I digest this, I decide to atleast write what I feel about!! Who is gonna read, well that’s a cool question that pops up in the mind…hmm…must be by mistake….suddenly I remember that I don’t remember the thoughts that I had just thought to write…what a tragedy! I shall ponder and get back…sigh…but when you read this, you need not wait, cos I’m gonna continue right below….sigh…ya sigh again!!

 

11:23pm: Ah! Here I come…with my thoughts loaded….ya so India is gonna make it to 61 in about 37 minutes from now…if at all 12 midnight is considered to be the time it was delivered into the hands of us Indians by the Britishers! What a proud moment it would have been for those in the parliament, as Chacha was making that historic speech…I sometimes get this feeling that I must have been one of the men sitting in the audience listening to that speech, sans blinking or even dropping an eyelid or two….which one of those men was I, well…I have no clue nor do I have the memory to sustain such historic pre-birth or rather previous-birth information/data. Echoos me, for that matter I can hardly remember things that have happened in this current shot at living life. Sigh!

 

So ya…I am feeling an emotional cocktail yes, about Indian Independence (yipppppeeee) as well as its post-independence growth (hmmm….sigh!)!!
What have I done?, asks my right brain which is supposed to be the intelligent one…
What can I do?, adds my left one, which is stupid but is trying to add logic in its own darn manner!! 😉
What do I want to do?, asks the right one again not giving up…
Who will allow me to do?, asks the left thereby successfully negating the right’s claim to intellectual excellence. Sigh!!

 

I didn’t get tickets to go home…to Bangalore…this being a long weekend…am stuck at Chennai…but no worries cos am not on antidepressants as I’ll anyway be going home the next two weekends… yippppppeeeeeeee…am excited to death, nah!! I’m just casual towards it…sigh!

 

It’s my friend’s birthday tomorrow…15th…I don’t know if I can wish her…we are not that cordial anymore…though we are trying to patch up things, but its just being stupid to believe that the old days would be back again, cos we both know that it will just not be the same again, ever….well…let me mail her…atleast…I can’t even expect her to reply back, acknowledging my wishes…its not that bad a situation, but its still not the good one…hoping to improve it from here, but only time will tell…sigh!!

 

I am keeping a low profile and mingling amidst my guy friends…staying away from the gal pals…nah…don’t worry, am still the same…straight…just that this coming saturday happens to be Raksha Bandhan (for those who don’t know, this is a suicidal festival in India…where women tie threads to the hand of men thereby making them their brothers…no winking – for instance – allowed anymore, and you would think twice even before blinking! Sigh!) and I plan to park myself at an undisclosed location (where eh…will tell ya on sunday! 😛 )!! 😉 Who wants to be a brother just like that, by the tying of the thread and moreover it digs a hole into the purse as well which competes with vacuum right throughout the year….independent of cash, and even chillar (change…pennies…dimes…whatever)!! A BiiiiiIgggggG SiiiiiiIggggggH!! Hmmm….

 

11:48pm: Another 12 minutes to go on my system clock before it strikes 12…I feel I can hear that gathering in the parliament….people occupying their seats…getting ready to see history being created…Chacha Nehru smiles at Ms. Mountbatten (I guess she was the one seated there, not sure…my memory beckons me to confirm) as he adjusts his overcoat and gives final touches to the rose on his coat and his head-gear (a cap)!! I am somewhere in the last benches (well I guess, being the lord of last benches is common in every birth…a happy sigh! 😀 ) lifting my head high to get a glimpse of our Chacha stealing a sight of the beauty in Lady Mountbatten (if it was who she is) while he readied himself adjusting the microphone as he took his stand behind the portable podium…lucky guy, said my mind…slowly as the clock approached towards midnight 12, a nervous silence started to take over the gibberish gossip-mongers around me…and eventually as the entire gathering observed pin-drop silence when the clock struck the dark (k)night hour of 12, I was sitting there with my dumb head lifted high and with all possible deeply cocktailed feelings. Sigh!

 

1947, 15th August, 12:00 midnight: “Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom………………………..JAI HIND.”, that was Chacha Nehru, who with all poise and calm delivered what was the most wonderful speech I had ever heard…history was created right in front of my eyes….and my eyes were all tearful, and I could not stop the tears….you see there were no tissues in use then, sigh!!

 

2008, 15th August, 12:08am: Coming back…ya back to the future…I can’t remember who I was back then…anyways I am still that emotional person who uses tissues (ya to wipe tear gland leaks…then what?) now…can’t call myself patriotic, but I did pin a tri-color this whole day to my shirt pocket while in office…did eat tri-colored pooris that they offered in the cafeteria at lunch…did forward a patriotic mail to a few friends…did wish “Happy Indian Independence” and “Enjoy the long weekend” to a few colleagues…did escape (freedom you see) from the sights of my manager and came home early…ya I am still that same person…and I still can’t remember who I was back then…sigh!!

 

I somewhat do have a mixed feeling as of now…well, but I now know where I gotta go to relieve that feeling…sigh!! 😉

Anways before I sign off…Happy Birthday India…Have a great year ahead…hope you bleed less, and prosper more…take care of yourself, and that should take care of us!! 😀

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Posted by on August 15, 2008 in Happens~2~me, Thoughts

 

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Corporate life – of Anger, Peace and Friends!!

Recently I got pissed off (and I still am…lookz like will be) with a corporate friend whom I got to know just a few weeks ago. Why was that? What did happen? I certainly don’t have the reason to put down here as to why and how that happened with her. I don’t even have the reason as to how I can restore that faith when it comes to her regarding something as divine as friendship. Even now I feel that I gave it all to make things work out inspite of all the differences and difficulties that came in the name of adjustments. But she feels otherwise. And when the initial expectations from her end started giving rise to accusations and finger pointing, I just couldn’t handle the stuff any long. I had to end it, and end it soon. 

Basically I am a very down to earth, peace-loving animal. Yes I am just like that, but said and done I am still an animal. And animals get wild when it comes to 2 things – Anger & Hunger (all kinds! ;))!!
Until and unless the lid blows the so-called ‘limits of control’, I am peaceful and very patient. It would take special talent from the people on the other side to actual make me go wild and behave like an animal.
I believe more in giving rather than otherwise when it comes to friends and family, but I still do have my shortcomings. People sometimes tend to take my easy going, happy-go-lucky nature for granted. And that is exactly when they get to know the other side of me. The other side of me is something which even I don’t like very much. I have been taking pains to keep it under control as well as wraps and behave as normal as possible. Candidly, for the records I have been on the other side of my behaviour just about 3 times in the last 30 months which is infact very good if you ask me “How were you prior to those 30 months?”. And each time that it went out of control, it was just cos I was provoked.
But each time I have been lucky to have someone or the other to pull me back to my normal self. They have made me understand that anger gets on to you, only if you hold on to the thing that makes you angry. So it is better to let go of the things which or the people who make you angry. I do just that now-a-days, as I just let go of them. I thank those blessed souls, for being there for me, forever. 🙂

It was just the beginning of the year 2006. Those were my early days in corporate life and I had been fortunate to get a break into one of the most advanced and currently in-demand technology of SAP. My first project was for a prestigious client in the consumer goods sector and I had been in upbeat mood after getting to know the clientele and the lady manager I would be working for/under. But the one thing I didn’t know or rather hadn’t been exposed to was the politics that goes on within a team/project.
We were 3 freshers (first project for all of us) who were inducted into this project under a BeeTCH of a Team-Lead (TL). And apart from the manager there was one more gentleman by name, Jai who had close to about 12-13 years of industry and IT experience. Jai was one cool-headed person and more of a friend/guide/philosopher to the 3 of us, than a senior member of the team.
Before this TL had taken over, there was another foolish guy who was our TL and he was as efficient as owls are during the daytime. Me being a fresher had given him 45 mins of philosophical pep-talk on how to conduct himself, before he was branded inefficient-cum-useless and eventually chucked out of the team (he quit a year ago after getting bad ratings due to his pathetic performances).
Then came the Beetch…she was the kind who preferred to bark more than bite…and she proved the quote “Barking dogs seldom bite” just right. She just couldn’t bite. And she had not an iota of an idea that I was the biting kind who could even bark given a chance. This female had the heart to take all the credit (we had no problems when she did this) for the good performance that we guys put in and also had the guts to point fingers at us (We did have problems now) when something went wrong from her side. One not-so-good-evening (for her) it so happened that she blamed us for no fault of ours and that was about 3 months after she had taken over. My lid blew off and the other guys seemed relieved at this juncture, as if they had been waiting long enough for this to happen. I called her (through Jai ofcourse) to the conference room and gave her my piece of mind for over an hour during which I must say, she gave a good fight arguing the best way she possibly could. And all this happened in the presence of Jai. I was representing the guys and Jai was the mediator. The only advantage on my side being my capability to talk fluently in English!! 
After our showdown (which was halted by the formation of crocodile tears in the glands of the beetch), Jai gave a 60-40 verdict in our favour and we were satisfied by it, but not happy. She was asked to calm down (by Jai…whom didja think? :P) and sent out to get refreshed. It was then my turn to get a hearing from the cool-headed Jai. The best part was that he gave me my space to reason out the cause of my hyper behaviour. When we came out 20 mins later, I was a cool person with a smile on my face. Jai was instrumental in giving me some tips that is needed to survive the corporate pressures and work-life challenges. I am obliged to him for his timely advices. I have learnt to deal things a lot better and now I understand the way to be politically correct in a corporate world. DIPLOMACY is the word! 😀 
Btw, the beetch was released 4-5 months before the project culminated (and we guys went on to manage the show till the end) and she went on to screw-up a critical project next, the result of which she was asked to quit before she would be given the pink slip.

This time round it so happened that I got to know this lady through our internal corporate blogging platform. Seven weeks ago, I got a  mail from her letting me know how she liked the versatile topics I chose to write on and particularly the manner in which I wrote. I acknowledged that mail with my usual ever enthusiastic reply, not knowing that it could lead to more things to come. This reply of mine lead to more mail interactions which further led into exchange of cell phone numbers, friend-request on Orkut and daily chatting on the office communicator. I didn’t object her messaging me as well as calling me too. I called a few times too cos she said “You never call me, its only me who calls you!”. Now she liked to hear me talk (she said this to me, and I am not assuming). For people who don’t know me, I talk a lot but only when I have a topic or matter and time at my disposal. But this friend just wanted to listen to my talk whenever she was free, and irrespective of whether I was in office or in the loo. And when I said, “That’s it yaar…there’s nothing more for today”, she used to say in a low-n-sad tone “So you don’t wanna talk to me? Why are you so silent these days?” and that too in the 68th minute of the call (damn the free CUG)!!
I even met her 2 weeks ago at her request (had to hear her say “so you don’t wanna meet me eh?” quite a few times before that, when I postponed the meet due to my other commitments) and that was the last day we ever talked in peace. For some unknown reason she preferred to keep silent for the next 2 days (she had done the same some 3-4 weeks back when she told me that she preferred 5 days of sheer silence and that I could call/message her if I want to (and that I did not)…again for reasons best known to her….she called it ‘drawing the line’; the line which I had never seen before or after the silence and it doesn’t make sense even now as I write this!) only to get back with “Why didn’t you tell me about your promotion?”….Now what was she trying to do here? When asked why, she went on give me reasons like “I didn’t like what you have put on your Orkut profile…it shows you have got this attitude”, “What’s that note on your communicator…I don’t like it”…It had just blown my fuse all over again.
What is her problem in me writing anything on my Orkut profile or the communicator note? If she didn’t like it, she should have stopped visiting my orkut page every hour and even stopped pinging me on the communicator every alternate minute asking me what I was up to! You are FIRED!! Gimme a BREAK!!!
I just didn’t want to adjust that day. I didn’t want my day to be spoiled by such immature behaviour of this gal that I preffered to let go of her rather than get angry or swear at her for reasons best known to her. It just didn’t make any sense at all to do all that, and letting go of her was the best thing I could do and think of at that moment. And I did just that by remaining silent though she tried out various methods and means to reach me – inspite of my innumerable requests not to do so. I told her not to call or message me anymore though she did just that, that whole day trying to understand the mess she had got herself into. By the way she had behaved that evening, I was sure that if I had said something in anger she wouldn’t have been able to cope with it. So it was best for me to let her go just like that. I was just not worth to be her friend. I am putting my papers down with respect to you and moving on, so should you (in case you read this and understand that I am talking about you…this is not a fictional story at all!! Hmmph!!)!!!  
All this while I was helped by my good buddy DJ to keep me calm and not to over react inspite of the things that seemed to be clearly going the wrong way!! I am obliged to her for bearing me all the while and being ever ready to listen to all the rubbish happenning in my life at this juncture. “Friends are like dustbins…where you can dump all your good and bad feelings/thoughts” is something which DJ now helps me in seeing some sense into (by dustbin, not in the literal sense, dumbos!!). Thank you buddy! 😀

All said and done, life takes us on a roller-coaster ride…how we hold on to it without falling is all that matters!! And in the friends and well-wishers like the Jai’s and DJs, it seems like they are the only sensible coolants in my otherwise nonsensical LIFE!! 😀

 
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Posted by on June 16, 2008 in About me, Happens~2~me

 

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